Wild Minds Network

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Getting rid of my imaginary boyfriend...

Probably this fantasy boyfriend of mine came about from years of feeling alienated and lonely. I also felt a deep lack of intimacy in most of my relationships so I spent more time in my head with this fantasy boyfriend instead of reaching out to real people. 

I've been doing this for years. Anyone have any advice on how to stop daydreaming about him? 

Usually it happens when I'm bored at work and especially at night before I go to bed. 

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Comment by Artemis on June 2, 2014 at 4:01am

Yeah, that's a hard one. Seriously, it makes me cry just thinking about breaking up with mine...maybe I'm a little attached? Anyway, the way I see it is that when guys are mature enough to not be idiots (no offense to guys) then maybe I'll consider dating in real life, until then... Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that when you get an actual boyfriend your imaginary one will probably break up with you to keep you happy :-) xx

Comment by Aaron Wolfie on May 29, 2014 at 8:03am

I find this easy to relate to. While I don't have an imaginary girlfriend, the ideal girl has always been the one in my head. This leaves me often feeling very disenchanted with real women and lands me head over heels for a girl that meets up to at the very most, one of my vastly unrealistic expectations. However, I am then blind to the countless other bad qualities that would turn me off of them if I wasn't so wrapped up in finding one quality that matches my ideal.

I find the deep lack of intimacy part, combined with the breaking up being harder because they are inside your head part quite interesting. Obviously you want to get rid of this imaginary boyfriend but he is the model boyfriend of what you crave for real. In a sense you are consumed by thoughts and longing for this person so 'breaking up with him' may leave you feeling slightly lost and empty in a sense, like a real breakup. 

I would hazard a guess, that you feeling alienated from people in relationships and lacking that intimate connection may be a reflection of how you feel with yourself. Obviously the ideal girlfriend or boyfriend for anyone is one that never gets on our nerves, does ALL the housework, prepares us lovely meals etc etc ;). Of course no one out there is that perfect hehe.

I think it is important to get in touch with yourself again and treat it as you would a real break up. Go out, have fun with friends, have some you time. Get to know yourself again. By doing new fun things and learning new things about yourself,  you are setting real boundaries and creating a more realistic criteria. By comparing potential partners to this criteria rather than the criteria of 'do they match my imaginary boyfriend' you may find yourself genuinely attracted to a guy because he ticks loads of boxes for you rather than just one. Therefore, you can really connect with this person and have so many things in common, you won't be left feeling alienated. You will also have a more fulfilling intimate connection through sharing in things you both feel passionate about. 

Sorry if this was a little long winded but I hope I helped a little :)

Comment by The1andonlyAbber on May 28, 2014 at 8:01pm
Just daydream about something else.
Comment by Andrea on May 28, 2014 at 7:25pm

Haha! Thanks! Maybe I should try to make up some other girlfriend for him so I can try to let this imaginary relationship go...ugh breaking up with this person is harder than a real life person because they live inside your head and come bother you anytime :/

Comment by Cordellia Amethyste Rose on May 28, 2014 at 7:21pm

Um, can you make him fart in bed?  No, but seriously, my character married her long-term boyfriend and has 9 children with him.  They've been together for 20 years, so I'm no help.  Good luck.  

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