Escaping Wonderland (the key of safety)

Synopsis up to now: I have escaped the lullaby of my deepest daydreams. I kept struggling to find my way, and currently I'm quite vigilant in real life. However, I'm still chained to the dreamworld and the power it has over me.  To fully escape I need to recover certain pieces of myself, and expose them to the real world. Pieces I burried in the dreamworld, in order to keep them safe, when I were still young and fragile. Every piece coming into light is one chain less. Let's see how this plan works out!

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Last time I recovered a big part-the one that is very social and gets depressed when alone. I had persuaded myself for the exact opposite, all these years (Believe it or not...) I feel quite more complete by accepting my need for company. I will win this battle over my fears! ...that's what I told Wolf, my best imaginary friend. 

"Indeed", he said, "but you deserve some safety too"

Right. That's also a need, I guess.

"Remember the 'personal dictionary' theory...what spells Safety to you?

Explanation: it is my belief that everyone has two dictionaries: the words themselves, and the message these words spell for their subconscious. For example, for some "love"="happiness". These people like using "love" as a word. For others "love"="pain/embarassment/vulnerability", so they may avoid using the word, as they feel it may ruin the moment for them. Some may be deeply in love and never use the word, because it spells uncomfortable feelings for their subconscious.

"Safety?" I thought. Safety=agreement, the answer came automatically to me.

What the hell? Agreement???

But it was correct: being in agreement with my social surroundings is what makes me feel safe. The only thing that I've ever felt threatened from, is other people. My "adventurous-type" daydreams were full of things that never threatened me: so, I always had the fake impression I should keep an eye for all kinds of possible dangers, equally. This gave me great reflexes in cases of physical threat, but this ability never was of real use (so far). Had I realised my need for social safety sooner, I'd have evolved accordingly and quit being a closet ninja. I guess it's never late...Time to become a stronger "me" ! The fight continues, right from where I had fallen, 15 years ago.

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Comment by Gina Black on October 24, 2012 at 6:17pm

You did? That's great! :) 

It's very suffocating, indeed. In most social situations, when I'm asked on my opinion I just freeze. It's killing me! (and jeopardizing my plan...)

Indeed, turning DDing into a drug is the problem. Having a limit or some control over it would make us normal :) 

I haven't found too many things so far...mostly articles in defense of DDing, and DD-including disorders I don't have.

Comment by Gina Black on October 15, 2012 at 12:20pm

Well...lately I spoke to my mother and she understood. But all my life, my relatives and teachers kept pushing me to "snap out of it". These friends sure covered the gap in communication. It's funny how my first "solid" imaginary friends appeared  when I decided to solve the problem, though!

Do you believe I never thought of googling it in my own language? I'm trying it now, and I get some quite interesting results. 

Well, my country is also poor, and the developement level drops lower every day. But I try to keep my hopes high :)

Comment by Gina Black on October 14, 2012 at 6:07pm

Indeed! MD is the disorder with the highest entertainment potential XD

Arguments can be very constructive! Especially the ones with yourself, it can help with solving internal conflicts. Since your friends are sweet and helpful, that's all that matters ;)

Wolf is the sweetest guy I know :) He's no normal friend either, my subconscious made him especially for the purpose of helping me with life. He never drags me in the dreamworld with comforting lies, he's been HUGE help in escaping it instead! (strange, right?)

Yes, I'm from Greece! So we could be the only ones from SE Europe around here? That's funny, I thought that part of the world had more imagination :p 

I've never met a person from Montenegro before, how is it as a country? It looks very charming in the pictures :)

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