Where wild minds come to rest
This is something ive been doing for a few years. My DD got so bad that i actually resulted to stealing headphones so i then could do what i call "surface using". I call it that because i DD all the time, but when listening to music thats when my addiction appears to be tangible. And thats when my DD are the most intense. Eventually, i get to a point where I am brave enough to get a pair of scissors and actually cutt any headphones that are in my house. Even after doing that, when i get an urge to surface use, I will still go searching for a pair of headphones. Like a drug addict looking for paraphernalia. And thats exactly what it feels like. And i feel its just as damaging and pathetic. Its strange because, it is really easy for me not to buy them. I wont do that because I know what will happen. But then, given the opportunity, i end up stealing them from people. I hate to admit that, but it is my truth. And i have to own it. MDD gives me an incredible adreneline rush, but overall leaves me feeling nothing but shame, guilt, and worthlessness.