Almost... afraid that I don't actually have this disorder, even though I KNOW I do... ???

[Truthful Alibi]

Sometimes, I almost feel afraid that I don't really have Maladaptive Daydreaming. I mean, I know it's stupid worrying since it's OBVIOUS (to anyone who's seen me at the age of 7 - present and who knows about this disorder) that I have MD, but I feel worried that I don't have MD.

I know that it'll seem really weird, but if I think about discovering that I didn't have MD, I would actually feel sad. Rejected. Depressed even. I can just imagine, in a few years, when psychologists have found out about MD (and I've dared to go to one about it after moving out of the house and knowing my parents won't be informed by them) and saying to me that I don't have MD. I would almost feel heartbroken, if you know what I mean. I don't know why I feel like this, I mean, I know MD has ruined my life (so far) but if I found out that I wasn't actually a Maladaptive Daydreamer, I would feel like... like I'd been standing on the edge of a cliff and it had fallen out from underneath me.

The description I just used, if anyone's interested, actually came from my previous DD (there was more after that though) when I was arguing with someone in it.

Like, once, I suggested I had Asperger's to my Mum and she just laughed and said "Of course you don't have that!"

and I know I (probably) don't have it, but when she said that I felt disappointed that she thought I didn't. I think I feel like this because I want to be accepted by people who are similar to me (not exactly the same, I still want to be the unique, weird me). 

But a few days after I discovered that I had MD and joined this site, Dushyant sent me a link to a question asking if they had Asperger's and someone said it sounded more like MD, because we were chatting and I mentioned that I (thought) I had Asperger's and he thought it might just be because of MD (thanks for that by the way Dushyant, if you don't want your name on here message me and I'll change it to 'a user' ; )  )

Anyway, I was a bit disappointed then, but  knew I still had MD so it wasn't that bad, if you get what I mean.

OK, I know that now I've said this Cordellia will probably give me an award for 'the craziest person on Wild Minds' (I wouldn't mind that actually *hint hint* LOL) but oh well, I've typed it all up now and by the time everyone's reading this it'll be too late to delete it from everyone's memories once they've read it but.. who cares?

 

Off topic: Does anyone else have that problem with this text box where if you stop typing for about 1 second the scroll bar at the side scrolls up a line? (or two, or three, or whatever)

[Harry]

I wouldn't mind you using my name in your posts at all,i was actually happy . That thing i said about Asperger's and the link i sent was 2 months back and was a small part of a long conversation we had via online chat. So,it was nice to know that you remember that.

Regarding writing you say ur stuff that you write turns out like your daydreams. Same was true for me in the first one week but slowly more started to come which were quite different from my daydreams. So start with stuff that is similar to your DD so that you get  into the habit of writing. Then slowly lot of other ideas will start coming once you get into the habit of sitting everyday for a few hours and writing. Because your DD will have a pattern to it so after a few days you will definitely run out of things to write if you write about your daydreams,then you will start creating new things in your head. So,stick to writing for some days.

[Truthful Alibi]

@ J Noland  I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels like this.

@ Dushyant  Thanks for saying that, I guess I didn't realise MD is a label that gets put on us (or will do when psychiatrists/psychologists find out about MD) I glad that you have found a way to make your DDing less addicitive AND get something out of your daydreaming. The trouble is, every time I try to write, the story turns out like one of my daydreams, and I'm just waffling on and on instead of making it as good as I could. I'm glad you didn't post to tell me off for using your name in my blog post, lol. I saw a message in my inbox saying 'Dushyant replied to your blog' or whatever it says and I was thinking Oh no, Dushyant's gonna tell me off for using his name in my blog! LOL

See what I mean about waffling on?

[Harry]

How does it matter if people tell you that you don't have MD? Your capacity of daydreaming will remain intact. You can continue to daydream. Even if they find out MD to be a symptom of something else it does not matter. Try to make productive use of daydreaming that you do,since this is something you do a lot and have a great capacity for. How does it matter what label people put on it? From what i have read in your posts you don't want to get rid of it so why do you worry about the findings of psychiatrists etc.

Before i came onto this forum/website even i wanted to know what was wrong with me but due to this forum i have found so many positives of this habit. So i no longer see it as a problem,and don't care if people accept it or not.

I have been spending a lot of time writing for the last 3 weeks,each day about 3-4 hours. I write in my journal and write down any story ideas i have and try to develop them. This way i have found a productive way of using my daydreaming. One good thing it did for me is that i am able to focus on other tasks while i am not writing ie my daydreaming is not maladaptive anymore. Without making any conscious effort my daydreaming is no longer maladaptive. I do daydream quite a lot still but it isn't as addictive as before. This has left me wondering if this is a disorder or not,atleast in my case. I will not make any general statements.

When i try to write stories my focus becomes really good because i am in control,i am directing my daydreaming,i kind of decide what i will daydream,ofcourse,i don't have perfect control but have some degree of control. Perhaps that is reason why it becomes less maladaptive for me since it becomes less uncontrolled. But it still keeps on going like a movie many times but i still am able to focus on other things,this sounds wierd but it happens.

[J Noland]

I've only know about other MD'ers for a couple weeks now and I'm so glad to have finally found a "diagnoses." If some one was to say to me, "nope, sorry that's not what you have" I'd be upset too. I've been looking for so long for a reason or something to explain me. It would be like being set adrift again to be confused. Good post!