Alexandra and Max

[Cordellia Amethyste Rose]

I have some news that will probably anger many people.  It's certainly angered a few of you.  

As many of you have probably noticed, Alex constantly talked about wanting to die and hurting herself.  This is very serious to me.  I couldn't just sit by and not respond.  Many of us, including me, tried the gentle approach of sitting with her for hours and just talking to her.  That didn't help.  I eventually tried the tough love approach.  That only angered her.  I didn't know what to do and felt it was irresponsible to ignore someone in such distress.  I consulted 2 qualified experts in the mental health field.  One suggested that being on the site was doing her more harm than good.  He said it was helping her to avoid getting the real help she needed.  He suggested I suspend her until she gets help, to force her to get real help that this site can't provide.  I forwarded this lengthy and thorough message to another expert with a PhD.  She agreed with everything he said and said I should suspend her.  THIS WAS NOT MY IDEA.  I didn't want to do it.  I was simply seeking advice for how to help her, but both experts said this was the best way to help her.  I gave her a chance to contact people and exchange contact information with them.  She instead chose to argue with me.  I suspended her.  

Apparently, while she was arguing with me, she notified all her friends in chat about what was going on.  As soon as she left, they all started completely lashing out at me.  They attacked me for hours.  It was all very mean and disrespectful.  If any of them said what they said to me to each other, I would have suspended them all.  Instead, because I care and listen to my site members, despite what they said, I sat there and took it.  I sat there for hours and let myself be attacked because I cared and wanted them to know that I only did this because I want her to get help.  They all still refuse to accept this.  I am shocked and appalled at how they acted.  I have always been a fair moderator.  I don't suspend people for stupid reasons like disagreeing with me, and I've never suspended anyone for personal reasons.  It's always because they did something wrong, or in this case, because it was for her own good.  Most of the time, people accept my decision.  Tonight, that was not the case.

One person who particularly lashed out at me was Max.  He completely freaked out and repeatedly said he'd blame me if Alex kills herself.  This is completely unacceptable and beyond disrespectful.  He then proceeded to completely have a mental breakdown right on the site, in front of us all.  I repeatedly begged him to get help, but he refused to get help, saying the site was his help.  

THIS SITE IS NOT MEANT TO REPLACE REAL MENTAL HELP!  If you are suicidal, want to die, want to hurt yourself, or want to hurt anyone else, you must GET OFF and seek REAL help from a REAL PROFESSIONAL.  This site is meant strictly for support and education, not for real help with serious problems.  We're not equipped for that.  

I felt and feel that Max needs help beyond what this site can give, and I witnessed him needing real help and refusing it.  He and Alex used this site as a crutch.  I suspended him as well, after giving him time to say his goodbyes.

What happened tonight on this site can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN!  I run this site because I care about people.  If I feel it is in the best interest of someone to suspend them, then I reserve the right to do so.  I welcome POLITE disagreement, but it is unacceptable to attack me.  The first rule on the main page is to be kind and respectful.  A few people broke that rule tonight.  I will enforce this rule in the future.  

Tonight has left me very hurt and more than a little angry.  I expect you all to treat me and each other with respect and respect my decisions in the future, like you've mostly done in the past.  It is ok to disagree with me, but it is not ok to attack me.  

As for Alex and Max, I sincerely hope they get the real help they deserve.  I told Alex that if she does, gets better, and lets me know, I will consider let her back on the site in the distant future.  I will not let Max back on the site because on top him needing help, he was very disrespectful to me.  It is against the rules to treat anyone like that, including me.  Max is gone.  

I really liked both these people and did not want to suspend either one of them, but it was for their own good.  If I didn't care, I wouldn't have consulted experts, spent hours talking to them and encouraging them to get help, or spent hours trying to explain my actions and being viciously attacked.  

I got so worried that people were misusing the site and using it to replace getting real help that they needed that I considered shutting down the site tonight.  I consulted Cynthia, and she thinks that I shouldn't.  I'll keep it active for now, but I'm still really confused.  If I feel this site is doing more harm than good, I will shut it down.   

Please just accept this, and move on.  

[Cordellia Amethyste Rose]

Roger, Alex lives in Finland, and the first expert I consulted says Finland has excellent mental healthcare, and it's free or cheap.  Again, I was just asking what to do that would help her the most because what I was doing wasn't helping.  Two experts said this was best.  Max had a complete mental breakdown right in front of us and refused to call for help or go to a hospital.  That scared me and at least one other person.  He said this site was his help.  We're not meant to replace a hospital or other critical care when someone is having a breakdown like that.  

[ShellyBelly]

I'm so sorry that happened to you Cordelia. *BIG HUGS*

[Faye]

Hi Cordelia, I am sorry to hear about what happened. I hope the people mentioned above get the help that they need. However, all things considered, I think we should remind ourselves of that they are healthy and reasonable boundaries that should be understood by all members. Everyone is responsible for their own health, I'm sure many of us understand what it is like to suffer from mental illness, this site provides support and is not an outright substitute for professional care/ treatment (I'm sure most people understand this).

I'm not sure of how old or mature Max and Alexandra are but at the end of the day shutting down a entire network of people trying to connect over shared experiences may not be the solution to preventing one/two individuals from hurting themselves because they were originally unstable/suffering from deep inner unease to begin with.

The internet is vast and anonymous and there is no way to prevent a few people from inappropriately discharging their personal unease/ trolling on online forums.  I hope you know that it was not your fault,  and that shutting down the site is not going to be a panacea either. 

[Rome]

I agree with Sky with Diamonds & agent 53, this site means a lot to people who suffer from Maladaptive Daydreaming, thanks a lot to create this one website to help us (daydreamers) to get more educated and updated about this disorder & your the brave one who stood up in the whole world to spread awareness about this condition, this site cannot be shut down because few people misbehaved and broke site rules, if someone is misbehaving or they don't follow rules they can be banned , & as agent said you did great job by trying to help alex consulting professions, i hope she get's well soon.

[Sky with Diamonds]

regardless of how a few members act, i ask please do not close down this site. it means so much, to so many people. finding this site, most of us realize that we are not alone, and we can learn from each others experiences. i agree, that the rules should be followed by everyone, and i am sorry about what happened with these members. But please dont let a few people take this away from the rest of us.