Adults with MD

[Tuxedo Knux]

So we've all heard the origin stories of growing up with MD, but what about the stories of dealing with MD as an adult? Anyone want to share?

[eternally a child]

i guess this did all stem from trauma and loneliness and verbal/physical abuse  but its taken me a long time to realize ive been abusing myself or picked up where my abusers left off and this was all to escape of course. dealing with this as an adult is hard but ive recently felt so so SO  frustrated with this problem that im ready to quit it and actually build a real life or give myself a chance to live a life. i guess im trying to trade off one destructive habbit for good ones OR i thought that maybe i can channel this type of though process energy into something creative. im dealing right now with the sence of loss and confusion but a sense of mental freedom from actually being HERE instead of there . when im home alone thats when id really let loose and DD outloud.  i feel weird trying to listen to music since that was a huge part of it and certain things trigger me but one tip i heard is too wear a rubber band on your wrist and snap it so you can literally snap back into reality as soon as you think you are slipping. i was almost caught the other day again by my mother and i thought i would die. i was literally shaking. but anyway by dealing with this as an adult i want to face it head on and end it. it really makes me sick but at the same time it feels like your turning off creativity. but i know this all needs to stop since ive wasted too many hours , well years , doing this.

ive been dealing with this since i was maybe 12? it usually revolves around friends and romantic scenarios. not so much like sci-fi or adventure or cartoon type stuff. but as an adult ive had various fantasies where i am sort of a celebrity or it seems like a reality show where im being interviewed or where im always giving commentary and i want to make everyone laugh, or im a stand up comedian - ive been told i'm funny IRL by people and i do like to make people laugh, and its like somewhat of a secret desire or pipe dream of mine IRL to be a comedic writer or stand up comedian , but id never do it, but the thing is in my mind ill act out ''my act'' or responses to scenarios and things in real life.basically it revolves around who id want to be if i were secure and couldn't fail OR id still have my flaws but they'd be charming and make me down to earth. it just either plays out like a semi soap opera or drama - or ill blur real life scenarios with things i wanted to do or relive the moments over and over. im either in the best shape of my life and live how i want and etc or it sorta reflects who i am now and i come up with scenarios based on that. so by dealing with this i want to take who i am in my MDDs or live out my desires and actually pursue hobbies and intrest i have or make my life worth living and give a damn about something.

[Roel]

According to the law I'm a grown up now... But screw that. I'm still a kid and I can't help you with this question lol

[Bee]

You're asking so many good questions tonight with your posts.:)

Weird thing is...I live with MD everyday, but I've never actually taken a moment and considered, on a intellectual level, how I 'deal' with it. I just do...

I'm gonna have to ponder this one and I know that seems odd. There's all the hiding, the planning, the avoidance of triggers...how it effects my emotions. It's all parts of my daily life with MD - I've just gotten use to it. It's part of who I am.

So yeah, good question.