I don't want to, I want to make it this time. But it's very difficult to accept the amount
of time I've wasted all these years. All the chances, all the possibilities.
What I know from the last few times and hit me again, is this overwhelming sadness.
It's like you've lost something and now there's nothing good left.
But what do I have if I no longer have my own world? What's left for me?
In my world I am someone, I can do something, I love someone.
At the same time, I know that something new can only emerge if I finally let go of the old.
It's so hard, but I'm really trying.
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