I didn't know this is what I was doing when I was living this way and I didn't know what I was doing when I figured out how to stop--not stop, but suppress them, became aware of when they came and ig…

[M]

I didn't know this is what I was doing when I was living this way and I didn't know what I was doing when I figured out how to stop--not stop, but suppress them, became aware of when they came and ignored them. I don't remember when it was but I realized how often I was in a different reality while physically next to me there was a person I was supposed to be experiencing life with. somehow from that thought, I worked on becoming more aware and I squashed them, I squashed all of them, all my friends and my loves and even the enemies. recently, in the past few months, I brought them back. i consciously daydreamed and pushed out the stories even when the fail-safes I built tried to block them. gradually, it all came back. gradually, I found my stories again. gradually, a big part of my experience opened back up and I found more smiles, and gradually, I pulled back from my environment.

i can still stop them the way I learned but I don't want to. i don't want to, and I do want to... it's hard, they're so nice and comfortable. that world isn't messy like this one is. the people say things I wouldn't have known I could think, but nothing that hurts quite the way other people do. yet despite that I still want to live out here in other people's reality and keep dealing with it the way I've been able to the past few years. what triggered it's return? what's tugging my will?

i read recently about maladaptive daydreaming and I haven't been seeing a therapist or anything. i don't know if this is what I have or if my version is just a side effect of the other thing I have but it's nice to find a community of people who get it.

[Fallen Messenger]

I don't think you should bother seeing a therapist or mental specialist, I've tried and they basically laughed in my face, I only know if of one therapist who even knows of MD, so I think it would be a waste of time. In my opinion, this site offers way better therapy than any other single person, but who knows, maybe you'll meet a therapist who finally understands.

[Sharon]

I think I may understand where you are coming from. I have been thinking about my MDD a lot this morning. In all honesty I do not want to stop it, my characters although I know they are not real have been the only constant in my life for almost 40 years. I do not want to lose them. On the other hand I know that nothing will ever compare to them and it is not fair to hold my husband to the standard of a DD husband that I have total control over. I have always felt that I had a good balance today though I don't know. I think I am holding everyone and everything to the same standard of those in my DD and it is not fair to them. Or to me to be honest because I will never be happy if they are unable to meet my standards. I hope this makes some sort of sense LOL

[M]

Oh, I guess it would also help to relate my view of reality generally, because that makes it seem like the daydreams are "real life". I don't see that there is 1 physical reality that we all share. everyone has their own interpretation of it and it's impossible that we are all experiencing a moment the same way, even if it may be very similar. I view my (or anyone's) experience as another interpretation of reality, existing on a plane built by memory, personality, and action, that we, individually, have access to. minds transcend the physical world.
daydreams are just another way to interpret that. i suppose this view is a large part of why it's difficult to stop even while knowing that I can, and that it would benefit relationships if I did.

[M]

Thanks for your thoughts. I don't quite view it the same. I don't think of daydreaming as fantasy, I simply see it as a different, parallel reality where others are not welcome for input. I recognize it as an escape, but no more harmful than spending all your free time reading books or watching television (which, in my opinion, can actually be worse in excess). The struggle is less with accepting physical reality, which I embrace. It's more with whether or not I want to spend so much of my mental energy in a different narrative. :)