I havnt been on here in awhile just couldnt face it i was doing good went about a month without the daydreams then i gave in and i felt i couldnt stop i hate that i feel the compulsion to do it i hate that i feel like it controls me...

im tired of trying last year alone i dedicated the whole year to giving it up 235 days i didnt give in and 130 days i did and now its another year the same fight i cant take it anymore the back and forth its taking away from me wearin…

its been 21 days and the days feel like their getting longer and it seems harder to get through this ive had moments where i sit there and my mind starts to wonder off but i catch myself i have yet to give in but im struggling i been asking myself what happens if all this isnt worth it in the end and its not what i expect it to be

its hard enough trying to avoid triggers and women im getting tired for awhile i felt strong and in control now most days its a struggle to…

i found a game a few years back i started playing its called the sims i just got the 3rd one i find it sometimes helps me instead of daydreaming it can be a healthy outlet

when i first got it though i played it all the time my character on the sims is like the person i imagine in my head of who i pretend to be im not sure but i guess i wanted to know if i was the only one who played it......its almost like u can use the game to create your fantasy world havnt played for…

i dont know if i can do this.....everyday is a struggle it gets harder and harder with each passing minute seems like every waking moment fantasizing is all i can think about....i ask myself why bother what will happen in the long run when life seems too hard to deal with without the daydreams....

i been so pissed off getting mad at everyone life and all its stresses was so much easier to deal with when i fantasized....im not sure what i think the end result will be i was…

so i usually like a few days to go by before i write another blog but today i hit a big trigger i couldnt sleep much last night so i gave up trying i turned on the tv and a commercial was on the girl in the commercial was a celebrity i used to obsess about i used to use her in my fantasies i had never seen the commercial before so i was surprised by it i had the urge to watch it again and again so i could get it in my head and i could daydream about it and about her

i fought…

 let me start by saying happy thanksgiving everyone!!

its day 7 i didnt think i could make it past thanksgiving being a stressful day for alot people surrounded by family and other people....

Im sitting in my room wondering what i was thinking when i thought it would be a good idea to try and quit daydreaming during the most stressful time of the year.....i started this whole thing back in january everytime i "fell off the wagon" i got right back on the longest i went…

12 years.....

thats how long i been living in my mind......... half my life inside a world i created to escape the pain i felt to escape the truth, the pain of being me the pain i felt as a child from the things i went through......

12 years.....no matter how many times i repeated it no matter how i said it, it wouldnt give me back those 12 years as i sit here i think my life wouldnt be the same without daydreaming it would be boring nothing to talk about no…