Day 7

[Jordan]

 let me start by saying happy thanksgiving everyone!!

its day 7 i didnt think i could make it past thanksgiving being a stressful day for alot people surrounded by family and other people....

 

Im sitting in my room wondering what i was thinking when i thought it would be a good idea to try and quit daydreaming during the most stressful time of the year.....i started this whole thing back in january everytime i "fell off the wagon" i got right back on the longest i went was 3months then i was reminded of everything i had been running from and it made me want to run all over again so i spent the whole year trying to give up the world in my head.....when i fell i fell hard but i kept trying... in total this year ive already tried this 4 times this time being my 4th....

 

i havnt given up yet i still try.....this is my first time trying it and telling my story to anyone who reads this it helps me knowing im not alone knowing you understand becuz your story is just like mine in a way....

within this last week i been trying to face things from the past that ive spent 12 years ignoring i thought about past friends, girlfriends, family..... its so hard to connect to people......

 

my family and past friends they dont uderstand me they dont get why its so hard for me to open up they dont know about my other world no one does they couldnt understand why its easier having a relationship in my head they dont get why i keep a such a distance so they eventually give up on me.....in your fantasy world you dont get hurt its safer than being with people........i used to say love doesnt hurt people do...sometimes i look in the mirror thinking ill see the guy i used to be but its been years since ive seen his face.....

 

after dinner on thanksgiving day i got home wanted to drink but didnt i went to my room sat on my bed and for the first time this year after all my failed attempts i wanted more than anything to fantasize but i didnt cuz i felt something bigger than me take place.....i felt for the first time that i was strong enough to get through this....that i can do this and i will do this.....

sometimes i feel people expect me to be someone i just cant be truth is im afraid of screwing up hurting someone getting hurt in the world in my head i control everything that happens i could stay there all day and never leave.......but today is a new day and all i can think is bring on tomorrow, im ready.....

 

[Jordan]

any support i can get means alot and knowing i have an online community makes this whole thing easier i thank you for your positive thoughts and inspiring words

[DebbieP.]

Sending positive thoughts your way - hoping that you continue to find the strength to do what's right for you :)  Don't be afraid of 'screwing up', remember that's how we learn.  People that have never screwed up have never taken any chances in life.

I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career,

I've lost almost 300 games,

26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed,

I've failed over and over and over again in my life,

  and that is why I succeed.

        Michael Jordan