I finally, FINALLY got my Adderall today.  I took a pill immediately as soon as I got home. 

The dreams are gone. The MD isn't overtaking my mind.

It's such a relief that I actually cried. 

I'm so happy. 

So yup, I have ADHD and will be getting better meds to cope.  Hoping this shuts off the dreaming so that I can finally be free.

Confirmed for moderate to sever depression and anxiety, but that I already knew. Hoping that getting the ADHD and MD under control will alleviate this.

I also show symptoms of borderline personality disorder. This took me by surprised but I guess it's so, and will be going to therapy to correct certain symptoms.

So yay,…

I have been going through ADHD testing.

I have my final appointment on Thursday to discuss the results.  The psychiatrist said that while she couldn't officially say anything yet, my patterns are very conducive to ADHD symptoms.

I had also told her about maladaptive dreaming.  She had never heard of it before, but said she'd look into it.

I'm so hopeful that this will help.  Maybe some people can make it work but I just can't.  Maladaptive…

There is nothing else for it.  I struggle so hard to turn it off when I need to. If I could flip a switch and just stop when I'm at work or out being social, that would be great.  If I could just control it, that's what I would like.

I once had an old friend give me Adderall, and that was wonderful.  And when I drink, it is also wonderful.  Why?  Because my mind can't wander.  

That's what I want; a way to shut it off.