Wish Wild Minds Network was around longer...

[Jessica Ballantyne]

I wish Wild Minds Network was around when I was a teenager, but it wasn't founded until 2011..

I'm turning 40 in a month, and I learned the hard way that complacency gets you absolutely nowhere, especially to someone who daydreamed over 25 years. Basically, I've been self-indulged in fictional worlds, instead of pay attention to life. I was very young, and I expected all my goals to come true within (what would've been) 20 years, if I wasn't dancing to fantasies in my head all day. These goals was finding a partner, thriving in a career, buying my own home, traveling to new places, furthering my education, and possibly being a mom—and none of this worked out. I even got in trouble with family members when they found out what I've been doing in my mind, without their knowledge. 

I effected so many people with my behavior, they were nut happy chums..could even tell I was in a trans. I didn't attract anybody and was single for a while. A relative told me to screw it with kids. I didn't excel or thrive in anything, except for maybe Art. My dad bugs me everyday as to why I just can't get my act together. I honestly haven't flown in a plane since 2009. Overall, I'm trying to piece together a life that would've been great...if I wasn't an MD'er. 

It just happens, really. I wish that I woke up so much sooner. I wish that I spoke to a therapist about this. I feel as if I lost everything, that's all.