Wish that I didn't daydream

[Jessica Ballantyne]

Let's be blunt. I spent years just "living in my head" since I was a young teen. I was over preoccupied with my thoughts, overthinking, replaying past moments, worrying about the future, and getting lost in internal fictional story narratives. I was really a million miles away, when I should've been grounded and down to earth, taking everything in strides and living in the moment. My mental health was unhealthy, and I wasn't paying attention to anything going on in my life. People always wondered why I was sooo quiet...like I was so consciously "gone" that I couldn't verbally open up to them. Even my family questions me all the time at home. 

When I was young, I expected life to begin and be great, but I didn't make any smart and healthy steps down the road, and I was in la la land. I was in a sate of being filled with profound wonder, admiration, and amazement. Regardless, I didn't communicate with anyone and tell them my dreams and how I felt about everything. And they just saw that I was this "daydreamer." I didn't Go-For-It, I sat back, and wished and dreamed all day...wondering...speculating...hoping. 

I wish that I woke up and smelled the coffee—did what everybody else does to get what they want. Ludicrous.