What helps?

[Cordellia Amethyste Rose]

Now that we've had some time to think about this & discuss it, let's start creating a plan to help.  Let's try and make a list that we can refer to & refer others to.  Here's my question:

What helps? 

Not just what helps you stop daydreaming.  This is a condition we need to learn to live with. 

What helps in any way possible?  Interpret that in every way possible, and be as specific as possible. 

Some ways you can think of it:

What helps make your life better?

What helps you feel like you’re living a more fulfilling life?

What helps you feel like you’re in control?

What helps you daydream less & what helps you daydream more?

What makes your daydreams more productive?

What makes your daydreams feel less productive?

When do you leave your daydreams feeling better & more charged?

What makes them leave you feeling more sluggish?

What helps you feel stronger?

What helps you feel safer?

What helps you feel more confident?

Let’s act like we’re compiling a list of things to tell new people who’re just figuring out they’re going through this & are not sure what to do.  What advice would you give them to help them feel more empowered?

[Sofia]

Being completely alone is what triggers my MDD. If I am surrounded by other people, then I am distracted from my intrusive thoughts and tendency to walk around.

[MrsChapman]

For me, my daydreams stem from boredom and routine. When I have work tasks to focus on or something going on in my family life I'm able to focus on the external world and engage. At night before I go to sleep, when work is boring/routine or when my family life gets too routine/boring I lapse into daydreaming.

My daydreams never seem to feel productive because they all largely center around a famous person whom I have a crush on. Mostly I feel deep shame because I feel like I'm committing mental infidelity against my husband, even if I would never cheat on him in real life. In my daydreams I am always already the ideal version of myself (thin, energetic, young looking) but never there's a part where I'm getting myself to that point (except younger looking which is impossible to happen). And for me at least the appeal of the daydream is reliving that feeling of just meeting someone. Something that I will never (God willing) have again. I love my husband dearly, but part of me does mourn that I will never again have a "first kiss." I wonder if that's normal or if there is something really wrong with me.

[Brian Rhodes]

One thing that helps is willpower.  I make myself pay attention sometimes and remind myself that reality is better than fantasy.  It doesn't work all of the time but it helps.  I haven't been doing this stuff for very long, but I think some of these methods are starting to help.  I time myself to read for three minutes and keep a tally of how many times my mind wanders.  I also will time myself to just sit in the present moment.  Sometimes I think I am getting better and sometimes not.  Maybe this will help someone.  Meditation helps me emotionally but does not seem to make concentration any better.  Medication does not seem to help.  Just with my emotions.   

[Robert de Niro]

'm procrastinating for a long time a simple thing may take months to do it
i'm in a sea of manipulative of daydreaming, how to get out of it , how to cure this

[Briona]

Nathen Israel I can relate to that, there are certain feelings that make me daydream mostly - anxiety, stress, pressure, anger, sadness, but I often times will talk into my audio recorder on my phone, that way it "feels" like I'm talking it out, and I'm able to like release whatever it is out of my system, at least a little bit. Also I can go back and listen to what I recorded and  I can remember the feelings that were with me when I recorded, and I feel like I was able to get it out.

Nathen Israel said:

Hi,

I recently found that constantly writing wondering thoughts down, or keeping track of them, keeps you away of falling into intense daydreaming. Whenever you realize that you are wondering and not present or focused write it down on your phone or ipod or touch or something. I find that this keeps it from getting you aware of your thoughts and stops it from getting out control. The downside to this that this can become a habit and problem of its own, like when your talking to someone and you impulsively pull out your phone to stop from daydreaming.

N

[Kina Lowes]

Meditation usually takes a week or so to take effect. Are you giving it enough time. It helps me because meditation makes me more present and more satisfied with with my real life, therefore I'm less likely to daydream. Sometimes there is so much stress that nothing I do will stop the dreams...like now :-(

Brian Rhodes said:

One thing that helps is willpower.  I make myself pay attention sometimes and remind myself that reality is better than fantasy.  It doesn't work all of the time but it helps.  I haven't been doing this stuff for very long, but I think some of these methods are starting to help.  I time myself to read for three minutes and keep a tally of how many times my mind wanders.  I also will time myself to just sit in the present moment.  Sometimes I think I am getting better and sometimes not.  Maybe this will help someone.  Meditation helps me emotionally but does not seem to make concentration any better.  Medication does not seem to help.  Just with my emotions.   

[Kina Lowes]

You don't have to do something you are good at. Start with something you like to do...WHATEVER you like, gardening, rafting, cartwheels, baking, fixing things. Just pick something to do (that makes you feel good) and do it. Don't add the "what about the future". the problem with the daydreams is that its ALL about escaping the present moment, which is what the "what do i need to do with my life" conversation is...it's the same problem but one you have control over. The WORST thing about the DD is that it prevents our minds from being completely clear. Which is where all of the clear ideas pile into ( a clear mind ). So try to relax. Find something you like to do...even if it's stupid and concentrate on that, if it gets boring find another stupid thing. I promise you things will fall into place.

Emma said:

What helps make your life better?

Regular routines, focusing on others, staying busy

What helps you feel like you’re living a more fulfilling life?

Life has been less and less fulfilling everyday.  I don't think I have what it takes to make it more fulfilling and I don't know what to do about that.

What helps you feel like you’re in control?

Routines, productivity

What helps you daydream less & what helps you daydream more?

I daydream less when I'm engaged with other people and when I'm happy.  I daydream more when I'm stressed, depressed or busy with mindless work.

What makes your daydreams more productive?

My daydreams are never productive.

What makes your daydreams feel less productive?

Sometimes I'll get really into  a particular moment and be unable to get to doing things in real life because I'll stay in bed or go for a drive.  Then I feel sluggish and tired all day.

When do you leave your daydreams feeling better & more charged?

I do not have any positive experiences or feelings about my daydreams.  I hate that I do this.

What makes them leave you feeling more sluggish?

They always make me feel sluggish

What helps you feel stronger?

What helps you feel safer?

What helps you feel more confident?

Look, seriously I'm at a point in my life where I've achieved a lot of the things I used to be working towards.  Working towards those things used to make me feel strong, safe, confident and productive, but now that I have them, I just feel bored.  I'm not good enough at anything to really pursue something and enjoy the flow of creativity and work.  I've built a pretty comfortable existence now and so I also don't have the motivation of strife to get me going.  I just wake up everyday and wonder what the hell I'm supposed to do with myself for the next few decades, and the things that I used to enjoy have become boring.  Also some bad things have happened that can't be undone.  What I need is to be good at something and have a thing to pursue.  But I'm not good at anything and so I just go through the motions every single day, bored and depressed, and really the daydreams are the only thing interesting in my life.  It's nice to ask what makes things better, but I can't think of anything.  Sometimes I think I should just have kids just to have something to do and to be forced to be busy, but almost everyone I know who has kids hates their daily life.  Their kids drive them nuts even though they love them.  They resent them, and when they are teenagers they really make them miserable.  I would be that sort of parent, so I don't have kids either.  And in the end, I just don't really have much reason to get out of bed.

[Kina Lowes]

Now that we've had some time to think about this & discuss it, let's start creating a plan to help.  Let's try and make a list that we can refer to & refer others to.  Here's my question:

What helps? 

Meditation. Exercise, willpower, Being happy, satisfied, Feeling calm, having something to focus on.

Not just what helps you stop daydreaming.  This is a condition we need to learn to live with. 

SHUT DOWN social media. Unplug as much as possible. Less outside triggers mean less daydreams.

What helps in any way possible? Interpret that in every way possible, and be as specific as possible. 

Meditation takes a while and its hard to not daydream while i meditate, but if i've been doing it consistently after a few days to a week I am just calm and clearminded as hell. Stuff that annoys me feel like nothing or even feels good. Like washing the dishes. I usually Daydream to escape diswashing. but after meditation I'm good to go...Only thing. You can't stop meditating. Pain in the ass.

Some ways you can think of it:

What helps make your life better?

What helps you feel like you’re living a more fulfilling life?

What helps you feel like you’re in control?

What helps you daydream less & what helps you daydream more?

Daydream more: Strong emotion especially negative. Shame, embarrassment, guilt, pain,

What makes your daydreams more productive?

Productive? That's a thing? Okay I'll say this. Now that I'm an adult my daydreams are about real life things. Sometimes something will happen and I will daydream about something that I think is totally different. (I got into an argument with my mother and all of a sudden I'm daydreaming about the time my best friend embarrassed me by trying to correct me in front of people) suddenly I realize that both of the people are acting the same way, I have the same emotions about both. It helped me realize that my daydreams reflect my current emotions and (sometimes) help me put 2+2 together so I understand a situation more clearly. Kind of how real dreams work...I dropped that best friend like a hot potato btw.

What makes your daydreams feel less productive?

Strong emotion makes them less productive. Happy or sad emotions. But mostly sad ones.

When do you leave your daydreams feeling better & more charged?

If a daydream makes it seem like something I really want is possible.

What makes them leave you feeling more sluggish?

I don't think that happens

What helps you feel stronger?

Accomplishment. Feeling Capable

What helps you feel safer?

Family, cooked food in the fridge (there was never any food in the house growing up). Money, when people help me

What helps you feel more confident?

Accomplishing something. Especially something I didn't think I could do.

[Elise]

I can only contribute a couple of things because it was just recently i found out this was a condition with a name that other ppl had too.

What Helps

1. Occupying myself so my mental space is also occupied

I have been doing creative stuff lately, and it helps because while I'm doing it, I'm not thinking ab

2. doing something specifically and intentionally positive, like listening to a positive youtube or series of tik tok vids

3. imagining something totlaly neutral, that does not involve other people, or a scenario where I am emotionally affected            

Like last night I had a hard night, took a nosedive emotionally because of something someone said...and the urge to imagine myself in one of the many situations where I have lost in some way... lost a person, lost an attachment, lost a relationship, lost time or even my life...

instead of allowing my mind to do that, I imagined myself walking... only walking... no destination, no origin, no emotional attachment to why or why not.. just saw myself walking.. it was night time and it was outside on a road, and i saw myself like i was walking behind myself...  but that's all i did was walk in my thoughts... and every time i closed my eyes or felt emotional pangs that would normally dictate my inner "movie", i forced that one scenario... there was no one else around, no cars... and I felt safe for a change, and not like I was sinking.

4. Moving away from toxic people and sources of toxicity wherever they occur. 

Whether it's social media, or in real life, we are not obligated to relate to and interact with toxic people.

Stuff like news is always going to be happening, and there is not much most of us can do about workd events and circumstances, so why internalize any of it? We can have empathy for situations that matter and that are in our sphere of influence... for the rest? just realize you are not obligated, and do with that what you will. 

I'll have to think about the other questions  for a bit...

[Deanna]

Interesting questions and prompts for self-reflection and moving forward positively.

I think one of the biggest things that has helped me is to not "shame" myself on practicing daydreaming, instead focus on managing it to be reasonable. The biggest strategy that has helped with this is choosing certain time/event periods where I positively allow and encourage my daydreaming - going to sleep at night (happy daydreams), going for a walk (relaxing).

Outside of these set designated times, the only thing I have found that works for me to minimise daydreaming is to engage myself positively in what I want/need to do. 

If it is something I need to do, but don't enjoy:

• keep it simple, task oriented and quick 
• add things into the environment that help to make it more positive and keep me in the moment e.g. music
• social interactions

If it is something I want to do:

• keep the tasks scope clear and achievable in the short time, so I don't get anxious/unsure and "give up", want the distraction of daydreaming
• make it a positive experience, congratulations

Importantly, I heard a really good quote "I change best by feeling good". I find it really helps me to keep progressing forward, even after struggling or steps back. It is okay to not be perfect, not have it working. If you feel yourself slipping into daydreaming, accept it happens and is okay (you don't have to feel bad about it). Then it is a choice on how to deal with it e.g. choose to leave the daydream aside for now, while you work on focusing into your real world using strategies that work for you. 

I think like others have mentioned - self-awareness of yourself and what you are doing is really important, and it is a learnt skill, improved with practice. 

[Life must be]

Writing all the dream you have live and try to make from About making these dreams and fiction writings and even novels, so let's try to use imagination to write novels and ideas, and thus the mind is preoccupied with thinking about writing

[Jonna]

1. Trying new things I would say. It is kind of enrichening. Challenging everyday fears. Trying to be present. You could say I've never experienced life for real because of my daydreaming condition, and trying to things which relate to reality is improving. And caffeine as well. It "lifts" me.

2. When grieving. For real. When accepting negative feelings and investigating their roots, which often stems from grief. Tears are detoxing. (For real. There is research about it.)

3. Predictible tasks, generous time margins, being uppdated with present agendas etc.

4. Like many other maladaptive daydreamers, I daydream when walking and listening to music. After having a cup of coffee or caffeine pills (and being in love!!) make my daydreaming go bonkers. Lately I've found a way to daydream less. That consists in listening to pods... (I don't know if they are called "pods" in other countries. I'm talking about these uploaded radio programs about certain different issues.) I'm a bit older, and have recently discovered this wonderful world of pods...! Those I am listening to are about addictions. (Like alcohol-, drug-, sugar-, betting- and so on). I feel affirmed when listen to the stories of these people and I recognize for example many childhood-situations they tell about.

5. When fantasizing about potential projects that could actually be made. For example movies, computer games and other things. It can also be other design projects like textile works, sewing, or planting ideas for summer.

6. When getting "high" on my daydreaming, talking to myself, wandering in my apartment back and forth, talking to myself or my "invisible ones" while looking into the mirror etc. when I have other important things to take care of.

7. After having taken a long walk with my headphones and Spotify listening to favourite tunes while processing strong feelings like for example anger. And also after having processed good ideas. Dancing is good as well.

8. Well...ehm... Mmmm... Never mind. ;-))

9. Physical excercise is good. And also interventions of eating and sleeping habits. (All that bullshit is true!!)

10. Books, pods and also certain movies which I use to watch over and over again. They become like old friends of mine. 

11. Being sure of what I want and what I am talking about. Being updated.