The Years I Spent Elsewhere

[Jessica Ballantyne]

When I was 18 and starting adulthood, I had envisioned the next 20 years a certain way, which only left me disappointed 20 years later. I'm not clear if my expectations were high or far-fetched for my personal strengths and abilities—or maybe they were possible, if only I hadn't been a maladaptive daydreamer. 
We all have dreams and goals as we push along in life. Regards, I think that I got too carried away with daydreaming—like it got excessive. If I wanted things to be more workable, I really should've suppressed that I lived in other worlds. I woke up to the fact our goals only come true when we facilitate our means to make it happen at ease and quickly. However, I was so drunk on dreams that I wasn't paying attention, but also people and family caught me doing this—and they were irked. Much of my goals were setback, and now I'm suffering—while others are living how they want to live. As a matter of fact, I'm under family supervision and financial support, when I should be looking more like a grown up. 

I can't believe two decades of bad habits, lifestyle, mental hygiene can steer your life into the wrong direction, and leave you with unpleasant consequences. Greater the insult, people know what you did, even if you never verbally admitted to it, as it can also be mental absence or unusual body language. 

I just recall memories of drifting around without an aim, spending too much time by myself, instead of with friends. People shouting at me to be more attentive in activities, or that I seem as dead unresponsive a brick wall, unable to crack an expression on my blank, staring face. Just sitting there doing nothing, instead of striking up a plan, as most times, I want to crush on a character I like in a flick.

I was just a very distracted person, who didn't take value in my own life and persona, because I didn't feel I was good enough, and I wanted to escape somehow.