I was offended and quite humiliated today. My dad and I were planning to go to the Labor Day weekend exhibition. We were getting ready to go, when I realized my hat was missing. So I borrowed one of my dad's hat, but everybody knows this is unhygienic. My parents took this so seriously, and they overreacted. Thought I deserved to be berated. I thought to use a straw hat, but my dad didn't want me to come looking like Farmer Brown. Don't know why I couldn't just went bare headed, and burned my scalp. Here's my point. I do have Asperger syndrome, so I have no idea when I'm going to make someone very pissed. I have received dirty looks, explosive behaviour, people staring at me like I was mental or they wanted to bite my head off. I even had people tell me I was rude and not normal. 

It gets better and more embarrassing. It was busy as hell at the Ex. Hard to get around, hard to hear, my dad walks so fast. We were lining up for ride tickets, got them, and got ready for the sky ride. We were in a line up. I was thinking deeply to myself— possibly daydreaming—when I didn't hear a girl ask for my tickets, which is why she was talking to me. A minute later, my dad grabbed the ticket out of my hand, passing it to her. "You weren't listening, she was asking you for the tickets, where are you?" Could you imagine if I was on a date or with friends, and they noticed this. They'd probably think they were with an idiot. 

These sudden attacks sort of effected my fun. Thing is, I should know better to be here. I try so hard to be here, but I just keep falling back into dreamland. It doesn't take long for someone to notice I'm deaf and not staying in the present moment, and being inconsiderate to others. I think it's because they socialize and I don't. It's something that's impossible for me to hide, like it's written on my face. Maybe, they think it's so odd what I'm doing around them. 

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The person who accompanies you on outings should be prepared to assist or support you, since you find it challenging to focus in some ways.  That’s how you work. It’s not a right or wrong thing,  I wish everyone would read about the spectrum and how there are greatvpeople who are in it, but they handle things differently.  I hipe you had a good time anyway,  

That's the thing. I met people who have zero patients for someone like me. Some of them were shaking with anger, or flailing and shrieking, possibly thinking I'm nuts or have a mental condition. Others stared at me intently with an expression on their face like I had two heads. Meanwhile, I live in my own world, where I think it's all OK. I have no idea! I didn't socialize when I was young. And when they eventually catch me daydreaming. Yikes! I am the way I naturally am, but not to others. 

Sometimes, I think the wool was pulled over my eyes, growing up as a kid. What do I know about hardship and the real world? I am this millennial who had a soft and cushy ride in my childhood. I just have no idea. 

I never had a partner. I've never been in a relationship. I've known so many people who said something critical about my spectrum and daydreaming. This prevented them from wanting to be friends with me, apparently. I even lost friends, who gave up, because they found me impolite and I wouldn't communicate. Over the years, I was quite a solo individual. I have no idea who I appear and sound. 

I've always wanted to meet a great person who looks past my flaws, and see me for the amazing person I really am. Somebody whose much like my dad. I've never had a soul connection with someone that way. Everybody I ever met, they just saw me and made a criticism, and moved onward forever. I've never met my first love or anything. It's so weird this didn't happen. I mean, what's wrong with me? I just want to be liked for once.


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