Longstanding daydreams and what happens when facts get in the way???

Hi Everyone,

                  I'm new on here anfter coming across this site after a google search.I really thourght I was the only person who had lived the last 30ish years running a parrallel daydream world.

  In real life I am very happily married to a lovely man and have 2 great kids.I have a good job that I enjoy and plenty of friends.My "fantasy"world comes from a very disfunctional childhood and I realised it helped me cope and survive what happened.


  I fantasise usually scenarios that involve a character from TV as my partner.There daydreams can get very involved and I do get emotionally attached.My problem comes when I find out things about their real lives e.g.they are married.I then feel devastated-as I would if it had actually happened in my real relationship.While my head knows that this is crazy I can't help the emotions.My latest fantasy life has become a bit too all consuming and for the first time ever has started to intrude on my life the last couple of months.Recently I found out that this actor was married and am now all over the place.

 Does anyone else have a similar story?How do you manage it?? 

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Elite, were you the one who once said you were the director of your DD's & you didn't let in anything you didn't want? 

Anyway, the only thing I have found that works is Sasi's suggestion of avoiding news/internet/entertainment media as much as you can.  I remember your crush was HD & you were very set on ignoring rather public news about her.  It was an inspiration for me who was very hung up on my crush.  We have to think of ourselves as the "Gatekeepers", and , as you or someone said, let in only what works for us.  I have done that more over this last year.  I know he has a new girl friend but I have pretty much ignored her & the internet stories.   It isn't as intense, which means it isn't as thrilling or as painful.  

Good to talk to you again.

Hey roxanne how are you ? Long time no see . Well no i wasn't the one who said that maybe some other girl or guy must have said it cause i never used the word ''director'' before so i don't think so . But whoever has said this , it's a good idea i mean just don't let anything in . PERFECT .

Avoiding is what i am doing so far but if it has to intercept your DD then it will :( . Roxanne how would you explain this term ''facts gets in the way of your daydreaming'' scientifically . We DD and basically it's just a DD ok nothing more than a fantasy world which is not ever gonna be like real world unless it's small (small = if you DD of eating an apple and if you really eat it in real world so these kind of small things are possible to manifest ) but big  DD's like having crush on celeb and all those good things will not manifest so my point is that if it's not gonna happen in reality so why should we care about the facts but we do so that's a big question. So coming back to the scientific meaning it would be glad if you tell us why facts are so painful what is that chemical reaction in our brain that has causing this pain of facts you know like explaining  how molecules would rearrange itself to form a thought or like how they make chemical bonds in the brain . You might get freaked out answering my so called ''scientific'' question , :D xD but just wanna see how much sense it would make so that we can try to know about this painful interference in our poor innocent Daydreams xD . Facts really corrupt your story ( no reason behind it ? ) i can only say facts and reality are more powerful than our DD world . 

Good to see you too again back in here :)  missed you from many days :) .

I find this the most interesting question of all - more interesting than why we fantasize/DD.  We make up this totally fantastic unreal world and then let facts get in the way.  I know for me that there is a big difference between facts I know beforehand - which I explain away.  For instance, one of my 3 main crushes is married, but in my mind I have always seen him as divorced.  It actually works out well as he is the only one who doesn't switch girl friends.  If he were, however, to divorce and start dating a new woman, it would be very hard on me emotionally.  I think it does have something to do with the dopamine receptors.  I have already neutralized the wife in my fantasy before I was intensely involved with him.  Now that I have "fallen in love" - which is a dopamine thing & our brain doesn't really distinguish between real & fantasy when the feeling is just as intense.  Now if something happens, it is a new interference happening after I have already "fallen in love."  And so it is just as painful as a real break-up.  Dr. Daniel Amen, brilliant psychiatrist/neurologist out of Berkley talks about this, without mentioning MD.  But he says that when we "fall in love" that the image of that person gets locked into our neurons and we can't just dismiss them.  When I get a little extra money I am going to call his assistant - also psychiatist - who does phone consultations and ask about MD.  I believe it is very related to what he is talking about.

Nice answer roxanne ,  it would be very hard on you emotionally cause you don't like his behaviour you are scared that he might divorce you just like he did to other girl friends . If you neutralize characters it can be good to the story but not completely good because you know that it's not pure in come but has been done manually so the fun factor of DD is not anymore , although you can like 60% enjoy your daydreaming and rest 40% is what you ate up to fit in and cover the facts by trying to convince your mind . When i am 'fallen in love'' my crush i am pretty jealous if a guy kisses her on screen when i see it , i am like Holy cow !! i should have been there because that is what my DD story has to say n that's how my dear friend your DD story is totally ''Owned'' by the facts . '' our brain doesn't really distinguish between real & fantasy'' this is thousand and one percent right rox , when we face facts our mind is somewhere confused between real and fantasy that's where our mood tend to shift . By your answer we got to learn that   when facts gets into the way  our brain doesn't really distinguish between real & fantasy . You know now i started to believe that this shit is like an anagram ask questions give answers i am sure you will find the keywords . HD is locked into my neurons from years and i want her without facts getting in . I think you should go ahead and try to contact him lets see what he has to say about this , i would have certainly helped with extra cash if i would have been in US :( but since i am not your gonna have to adjust the money to speak with him . 

I will try on pay day - next week - to get a hold of his group.  Here's a quote from one of his many books - all of them about the brain, this one specifically about being in love.  Here he talks about why it is so painful to lose someone you love:

"What happens in the brain when you lose someone you love?  Why do we hurt, long, obsess so much?  When we love someone, they come to live in the emotional or limbic centers of our brains.  He or she actually occupies nerve-cell pathways and physically lives in the neurons & synapses of the brain.  (Again, the brain would not distinguish real from fantasy if the feelings were intense enough.)  When we lose that person through divorce, break-up, death or whatever (learning something that conflicts with the fantasy?), our brain gets confused & disoriented. Since the person lives in the neural connections, we expect to see her, hear her, talk to her, etc.  as we have done.   When we can not do this, the brain center where she lives becomes inflamed looking for her.  Overactivity in this part of the brain (limbic) is associated with depression & low serotonin levels, which is why we have trouble sleeping, feel obsessed, lose desire for other pleasures, want to isolate ourselves and lose our joy in life.  A decrease in endorphins also occurs which can lead to the feeling of actual physical pain."

When I read this, I felt that here was a scientist who "got it" as well as a poet.  This is real. 

Who has written that ? tell me the name of that book i want to read more of it :) . 

The author is Dr. Daniel Amen, who is world-renowned for his work on the brain.  He is a neuro-scientist, psychiatrist and brain-imaging expert.  He has actually taken brain images of people (including himself) when they are in love, mourning the break-up of a relationship, when they are depressed, angry, etc.  He has written many books on the brain, many to do with how to improve the current state of your brain.  This particular book is "The Brain in Love."  It looks at the hormonal changes at different stages of love.  Those things in parentheses, of course, are my own additions.  But I feel confident they are true.  I would love to get his take on MD and to brain-image someone wile DD'ing.  He himself is very expensive - I think for consultation, brain image, etc. it is thousands of dollars.  But he has an assistant - also a neuro-psychiatrist from his clinic, who does phone consultations.  I have consulted with her twice but never brought up the MD.  They give you an extensive questionnaire to fill out before, which they already have on me.  Her name is Dr. Willeumeir and you order a consultation at 1-949-266-3745 from 8AM - 5 PM California time.  I am going to call on Tues., order a consultation, try to explain MD, suggest she look at Cordellia and Cynthia's work and then respond on this forum, if she will.  I think as a brain scientist & psychiatrist, she might be interested.  If not, I will just report back here what she said.  I think she is around $100 for consult.  She was very impressive before & meets with Dr. Amen weekly herself to go over everything.

I don't mind facts lol I found out I was pregnant last year and thought crap I can't be pregnant and not be married in my dd as I was not wanting to dd of not having a baby so I took a week of work to get a quick marriage lol in my dd world. All for nothing in the end as I lost the baby unfortunately in the 3rd month but I am now married in my dd. which was quite a nice twist lol. But that is what happens when facts get Inthe way I take a week off stay away work people or distractions to make sure my dd and reality are in cohesion with each other.

Now If I do have a baby I am prepared :-)

Elite, I have a phone conversation on Thurs. for 30 minutes.  I will need most of that time to just try to explain what MD is.  Any suggestions of what I should say?  I will suggest, if she is interested,  to come here & read Cordellia & Cynthia and some of the discussions, such as this one, to understand the intensity.  Should I ask her to comment on this discussion site  (Longstanding DD) ?  I need a reference point for her.  Don't know if she is familiar with this kind of site.  I will tell her how true the passage from "Brain in Love" struck us.

Hello - just thought I'd pop in and add my little bit. Reality doesn't really affect my DD because somehow I always know it is the characters interacting. If there is a famous actor/actress in there, and they are married etc, that doesnt matter to me because its like I'm dreaming a dream inside a dream - if that makes sense? They are a character (not themselves) just like in a movie. It's the feelings that the relationships give me that keep me addicted. Not sure if I'm making sense. But I know what I'm saying! Lol.

Hi Roxanne! Nice to be here again. xo

Thanks for posting that quote, Roxanne. I think it is very interesting.
My DD about my celeb crush have caused such intense feelings that it feels like I am in love. Whenever I read that he is with his girlfriend I get upset and have to daydream over and over that he has left her for me until I am satisfied and feel better.

Roxanne first of all thanks that you managed to have an appointment with her , 30 min would be enough to tell her all the good and bad things about MD but yeah you can show her the recent discovery about MD , if she is interested which she will be i hope cause this is a very different and yet to be discovered subject so she might try to research more on this through online watching forums watching us here on this blog . Start from telling her about MD and it's symptoms and that very few people in this world have it  and so on ....and if she is interested to know about it further more don't forget to tell her about this sasi's discussion because this is one of the most important case to look after as among all other daydreamers we suffer with our daydreaming the most . Lets see what she has to say . For me daydreaming with interrupting facts is like on it's top level leaving me depressed and anxious but ....  :( . Anyways Thanks again roxx :) do let us know what she said . :) peace .


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