Wild Minds Network

Where wild minds come to rest

Hi everyone. I'm new on here.
I've been dealing with mdd since I was about 5 but only just really found out that it's a 'real thing'. In my head I'm always someone else who is so much smarter, cooler, prettier and is always very loved. My dreams always focus on romance.
So I had a dream where I was a supercool teen girl who dated a real life rock star, then a movie character, then another real life rock star (who I was obsessed with in real life). This was from my early teens until a couple of years ago - I'm 30 now.
I got the chance in my real life to meet the rock star and was super scared of how I would react because sometimes I feel like the daydream is trying to break through into the front of my mind so I took action and killed my character. She (me) died and my daydreaming stopped for a couple of weeks.
Has anyone else done anything like this??

Now I have a new 'me' in daydreams and its pretty much ruining my life. I'm off work sick with stress and depression at the moment and I've spent three days lying on my bed literally just daydreaming. I know if I just kill another character in my head another will show up.

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Well killing your character doesn't get rid of MDD, so why would they stop when you do? I've had dozens of my "main characters" killed off in one way or another, actually it's pretty regular, though sometimes the same character comes back just in a different story or slightly different version of another story they were in. The daydreaming never stops because if it did then I'd have to think about real life, but they definitely die only to be replaced. 

Are you getting help/support with your stress and depression? Dealing with the problems in real life can help lessen the amount that you are daydreaming for. 

I’ve tried to kill off my character and move on to another one and could never pull it off. But your story is the exact same for me (give or take a few things) and I can’t remember a time where I didn’t have MDD. It’s an addiction in every sense of the word and we will all push through it, as long as we reach out and receive help from someone on here or someone in the real world.

I see a psychologist for depression but it's only once a month for 45 mins- not much help.
Rise13eyond - I think the daydreaming stopped temporarily when I killed that character because she had been such a huge part of my life for so long and I did pretty much grieve for a while. It was almost like being in shock.
Mdd is so difficult - it's such an escape to daydream that it's easy to just let myself be taken in by it. Sometimes I don't have a choice. But I do want it to stop to get some kind of control in my life.

I have killed off several of my main characters and then tried to pick up with a new one. Some have gone well and others not so much. But I can relate to you and your experience with your new character. Some days the only way I've gotten out of bed in the past have been to make my character get up and mimic what I've had to do that day: go to work, go to school, study...whatever. 

I had therapy for a while which helped a bit, but honestly exercise saved me. I started out on walks, and while I still spent most of my time daydreaming, it did lessen over time and being outside made a huge difference in my mood. 

MDD is not easy. I'm glad to hear you are in therapy and talking to someone.

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