Im so sick of it...

[Haleigh]

I feel like I can't handle MDD anymore. I am so very, VERY sick of it. I've got to the point where I hate my characters...all of them. Even the ones I love, I hate. I know that doesn't make any sense, but I don't know how else to describe it.

I don't want to live anymore. What's the point, if I just stay in my fantasy world?

I've tried to tell my parents but they don't listen to me. They think I'm either making this whole thing up or overreacting.

Yet I just can't stop daydreaming. No matter how hard I try to convince myself to stop, I just can't do it. My characters somehow sneak their way into every day activities and thoughts.

I always think to myself, "You'll never love anyone as much as your imaginary boyfriend." And I know it's true. It scares me. It's not fair. Other people get to be with the ones they love, yet I can't even have a real conversation with the person I want to be with. I can't even look at him in real life.

I sound so stupid; so spoiled. Other people have it much, much worse and I'm complaining about an imaginary boy in an imaginary world.

I'm so pathetic. The thought that I'll never get to be with him or with any other of my characters upsets me to the point of tears.

....

I just don't know what to do anymore.

[Tiffany]

be prepared for a big post....

I am not a trained professional but I think you should firstly look over what you are really hating/angry at...

Does your characters really bother you so much or
Does your parents, for not believing you? Is their lack of support make you feel inadequate?
Perhaps its more yourself for not being able to control it? Those MDD characters, haunting you or are you secretly haunting yourself - putting yourself down 'haha, look at this perfect world - now look at you'?

These dreams are yours and yours alone. You can make your perfect boyfriend, and love and him hope one day he will walk in because he loves the dream you.. Can I have a quick guess, the you in your dreams is a lot different to the you in real life? Shes confident, independent, charismatic, attractive, very loving and with her own quirks that make her a one of a kind catch?

I believe these characteristics of 'you' in your daydream, are you. You can say its too far fetched, but this is what you want to be and what you are (just need a few tweaks). No different to someone's ambition to be a rock star, a humanitarian, an office executive... They dream it. You dream it more vividly - but you can also make it happen, just like they can. Because that daydream you's charisma and quirky laughter is really you - unchained. May not be yet, but you have the potential to be the person you dream you are.

Of course your life is worth living, don't ever let yourself (or anyone else) convince you otherwise! You are not pathetic, or stupid, or spoiled... you are human, with human reactions to situations and are not alone. I once daydreamed about my perfect man when I was a teen. I was bullied, unloved and hated myself - their hate made me hate myself. I would cry because I would never be the wonderful person in my daydream and I will never find the perfect man from my daydream - the boys in school just couldn't cut it. Almost 15 years on. I am still turning into the daydream me. I am not changing myself - only embracing what I always had in me. Independence, humour, and the confidence boost it has given me has made me attractive and I now have the male attention my dreamself had - all people have the potential to be desired.

As for your perfect boyfriend, and how it will never happen.. Why not? Maybe try and pull apart what makes your dream boyfriend perfect. Is he tall, well built, handsome, suave, rich? Isnt that most dream men... Lets tweak him, say drop every appearance aspect and add some genuine boyfriend material - find out what he really is: Funny, romantic and nonjudgmental? That kind of man is real, and you just need to look for him. Don't hate yourself or your dream man for the perfect life they live. Strive to make yours it. Then come back to them and say 'Ha! I win!'

On a final note: You are brave enough to approach your parents. That is more than I have ever been. Your parents don't understand it now. Of course they don't. They don't do it. I have MDD, my little sister has MDD but we have never told our parents. My sister suffered with OCD for years before anyone knew. We only believed her when a trained professional told us so. Its the way people think. It can't be real if someone with a doctorate hasn't said so - stick with time and patience.

Rather than try and stop MDD, try and control it. Find out when and where it happens most, and distract yourself at those times - is it mostly when you are bored? create something to fill the void. Start small and work your way up.

[Luna]

I've been where you are now, so I can definitely relate to this. At some point, you'll hit rock bottom. I don't know if this is your rock bottom or if it's coming later, but you will hit rock bottom. That's a good thing. When you get to that point, you have no where to go but up. You can decide that you're sick of living this way and you won't put up with it anymore. You'll do whatever it takes to end this.

I managed to stop my daydreaming completely (and I was really obsessive about my DDs) by killing off my main character. She's been a part of my life since I was six, and she's been such a huge influence on me. But I hated her, because of all the trouble MDD has put me through. So I wrote her death scene. It was one of the hardest things I have ever done. But my MDD is gone. I have had no urges since then (it was about 2 weeks ago). Because my main character is dead, there is no reason for me to want to daydream anymore.

I don't know if that will work for you, but you can try. You don't have to just write the death scene like I did. You could kill him in a daydream, or something like that. I really hope this helps you, because it really helped me. Good luck and stay strong <3

[S K]

That happens to me sometimes. I get so frustrated with my characters and I feel spoiled because I have them as a backup mechanism to any real world problems-like they're helping and stopping me at the same time.Also the disjunction between the character and the real life person aggravates the f*** out of me, and you're right -they creep in, in conversations,through ideas,through stress, through boredom, through everything.