Maladaptive Daydreaming: where wild minds come to rest
I am new here :). In fact I just became aware of 'maladaptive daydreaming' and honestly, Im really happy to find a group about this. I always searched for anything that might explain why I daydream a lot, why I am so not practical in daily life and absent-minded. Also, why I compulsively retire into some fantasy, and living through those fantasies so much that I fear, that I am missing out on opportunities, on life...
I'm also afraid that the more time passes, the more we get used to this way of being. For example I recently realized how the functionnal daily things I have to do are complicated for me, while no one seems to struggle as much. Maybe I complicate things i dontknow.
This has started at 11 yrs old I think. I liked listenning to music and very often in my room or IN PRIVATE because I certainly didnt want anyone to see me, as it's not really dancing but moving around in a way that I myself am not aware of. Im just too deep into my fantasy clip or scenarios. It feels self-absorbed to admit this but my scenarios have always me as a sublime character and especially beautiful (because most of these fantasies are 90% driven by love). Whoever the love interest is, he is always watching the projections of my mind as a real clip on screen, I would imagine the clip would eventually and naturally leak out to end up there, in front of him, I know how silly and perhaps immature it all sounds, but there it is. I always know it is fantasy nor real. I also love writing. In school, I was always the clumsy absent-minded girl at. I would bring the wrong material for class and forget things all the time, in a way those things have made me funny apparently and some people find that 'so cueeet'. But at 31 it's not so cute anymore and I panic because I feel I am not accomplishing anything in my life, like social relationships,having a family or a steady career.
I have ADD (and take ritalin for it)since I just resumed studying, but my doctor suspects I have a bit of Bipolar too. Maybe I have none of those I dont know. All I know is that more and more I am seeking to understand myself. Maybe I am still searching for my real identity, I just wonder why I am the way I am, how can I teach myself to be more PRACTICAL less conceptual. I am not a kid anymore, now I have bills to pay, I have to be ALERT. I need to better manage my life so that I dont wake up 20 years from now and think 'what have I done in my life?". Because the truth is I can stay this way because I love it. I can stay in every night and be satisfied living in my dreams. I even PREFER to be alone most of the time rather than interract with others. I still want to daydream, or else I would be so depressed. But I also want to be more productive, efficient, practical, conscious of things around me, outgoing with people and consistent and methodological throughout my studies and carreer.
Thanks for taking the time to read, I would really love to have some feedback and hear your stories. I think we could all maybe help eachother by sharing our views or fears, hopes, experiences.:)
oh I wanted to add someting about ritalin, I have been thinking of quitting too. It sets my imagination overdrive too but I feel exactly as you say overwhelmed, especially on the down side, everyhting irritates me noise, light and my mind is like a tv station, the ones with bad connection (you know grrrrchhh) I dont know how to say it, my english is not my mother tongue but I think you know what I mean.