I’m Still Waiting for the One Who Gets It

[Jessica Ballantyne]

People bond together through shared interests, communication, and emotional connection. They build trust through open dialogue, active listening, and vulnerability. They experiences, whether joyful or challenging, deepen the bond and create a sense of belonging. Relationships are maintained through intentional effort, adaptability, and mutual respect for boundaries. It often begins with initial attraction or common ground—whether through mutual hobbies, values, or simply being in the same environment.

I craved being in a relationship for most of my life. I was born with an unusual gifted mind of having an active and vivid imagination—thus guiding me to flourish with creative freedom in my artwork and writing. Apparently, I found it extremely difficult to enter a relationship, because it was so hard for me to relate to people on any level. I just never met anybody who was quite like myself. Everybody I've ever met didn't understand the way my mind works and altogether just didn't get what I was about. Some of them expressed mixed emotions; offence, confusion, judgement, upset, alarm, disgust. I related to so very few people who actually accepted me as a friend, so I was on my very own for a long time. I cannot even tell you how touch this has been. 

I can only blame the fact I was highly introvert and didn't get out much to find the right cliques. Which my dad and others told me a good million times to do. 

Anyway, I did something I really shouldn't have, and to THINK it will guarantee I'd find the person I longed to meet. I spent years since a teen, going around, daydreaming about wanting to be in a relationship and meeting someone special. Whether I was at home, work, school, eating out, and hiking—wherever. But I noticed that I'd be in crowds all the time—not that I possibly related with anybody or whoever was there. I might as well been a blip in the backdrop. I only assumed because I wasn't approaching people, getting to know who they are, and speaking directly to them with ease. I was a very quiet, awkward. and self kept sort of person. I didn't take the RISK. I simply wasn't an interactive person, and didn't warm up to others in a friendly and outgoing way.

But, I kept on daydreaming about the day I will finally run into somebody—like in a movie. Serendipity. LOL. Without even doing any work, which will WORK. Flicking many years later. Nothing happened at all. I didn't go to lengths to make sure anything happen for myself. Test the waters for one. 

Another point I'd like to bring up. Loud music, mostly pop songs, induces my brain to suddenly go into other worlds. I suddenly want to dance, pace, and whirl around, looking like an idiot to people. I always felt like it expanded my mind and fuelled my soul, but also gave me hope that I'll find l-o-v-e. Yeah, the L word. Frankly, as a result, it makes me look flat out weird to people who assume I'm in a trance. 

Then I acknowledge a moment at the cottage spent with my dad, where we had supper together, and he gave me a lecture on how to stay with people, and finally told me "friends don't come out of daydreams." What me means is I'm really repelling people, making them think either I'm unfriendly and don't like them, or I'm bored and not interested in their conversations, or they're discouraged at why I could be thinking or what far away planet I presently could be dwelling on. Above all, to them I'm a brick wall that they found extremely hard to read, interrelate, and link with. Meanwhile—I'm gone to a rich and beautiful landscape filled of unicorns, dancing bears, painted wings, and rainbows. 

I have to remember that humans are humans. They are not perfect. To meet someone who dreams like I do—is not normal and not conformed to the social norms. So they really want nothing to do with it. 

There are many other species of fish inn the sea—and possibly one who eventually will have something in common with me. And I still have yet to meet this person.