Maladaptive Daydreaming: where wild minds come to rest
I feel miserable. I must have a bad aura or something. The people I work with only talk to me when they want something. I hate it when people talk and laugh and leave me out. I feel so sad. I must be a terrible person that people don't want to get to know me. Is it my face? My voice? The people I work with are married, have children and I am a 38 year old virgin who has never been kissed. I can't tell anybody that. I feel so alone.
I wish I could be a billionaire so that I can live as a hermit never to worry about this nonsense. I can't relate to people. I JUST CAN'T! I never have been able to relate to people and I am so tired of trying. Tired of smiling only to feel so empty inside. I would leave this world but I'm too afraid of death to do so. I don't know why I was brought on this terrible planet.
My therapist spends time talking about her dog, her father and family and all her well dot do friends and when I tell her my feelings she always brings it back to her. I don't know how to end it with her because the years without a therapist was way worse than it is now.
Daydreaming is real! It has left me empty and cold. People avoid me like the plague. I really feel that no one would miss me if I were gone.
I know this is whiny. I am just in a very bad place now.
There are people who don't need to be the first. People flock to them. It seems like I am the only one who has to initiate the conversation. Reach out to people. While there are others who can walk into a room and everyone falls beside themselves to start a conversation. Are they more likable? Why do I have to work harder than that person? What do they have that I don't have?
I have been in this situation too. I've been told after the fact that it has little to do with how I looked or anything, but that people were just scared of me. They seemed to figure I was silently judging them (and I guess I was, a little). So now when I get in a situation like that, I let my mood tell me how to deal with it, but usually I either (a) soak up the isolation, letting my thoughts drift freely until I've found something else that makes me happy to think about, or (b) I stop thinking and pretend we're all members of a crew of a spaceship or something, and they all need me to help me solve their problems or something, and I'm the only person on board who can do it because I haven't got the encumbrances (spouses, children, etc) that they have. I guess you just have to find something that suits your personality, but for me the rewards of forcing myself out of my comfort zone are immense, even when it's no more than escaping my own misery for a while.
It also sounds like you need a new therapist. Or at least let your current therapist know that she needs to refocus. You deserve to be listened to.
Hey. Sorry about everything.
There are people that have something that attracts people to them, but it could also be that those people reached out and built those relationships in the past. Like making an effort to ask someone how they're day was, helping them, sharing and so on. So that aura is actually just months of relationship building. So I think that's the way to go. Reach out to people. I would even say prepare a conversation starter if you have difficulties with that. When I go to the hair dresser, I will sometimes remind myself..." ask her is she's feeling better, ask about the baby, ask if she has any holiday plans" these things don't come naturally to me.
The emptiness sucks! I agree. Have you tried being an artist? Maybe the expression might be good.
As for your therapist, perhaps try some different ones. I once had one that was way too much of an extrovert-happy-fun person, and I just felt she would never ever relate to some of the feelings. Not even academically. She was a nice lady though.
You could still become super rich and retire early :)
Thanks for the replies. This weekend, I have started with small steps. For example, I spoke to a woman who lives in my building while I was doing laundry. Usually, I have tunnel vision and my focus is just to finish the task, but I was determined to take the time to talk to someone while I was there. I also spoke to more people while I was running errands; making conversations with the cashiers. Also, I spent time with my mother today which was something I decided to do at the last moment. This really helped! I feel a lot better this evening than I did on Friday evening. I'm going to continue my goal of making conversations with the people I see daily. Also, I am going to think positively about the day. I'll see how tomorrow goes.
Stop paying your therapist to talk about herself, there are plenty of other therapists out there. Psychologytoday.com has plenty of listings and their pages include a great deal of information.
This isn't whiny. This is emotion. YOUR emotions are valid, and you don't need to give any explanation. Firstly. Secondly, it's impossible to know what your social barriers are without attempting to communicate. We (myself included) like to pretend we know how others are perceiving us by projecting our own opinions toward ourselves. Maybe start there... stop lying to yourself in conclusion that other people are feeling you are this and that. You don't know; you just don't. And that's good! Nobody REALLY wants to know what others think of them. Seriously. You're a virgin? Awesome. Out of the 110, 000, 000+ Americans that have sexually transmitted diseases, you aren't one of them!
Now, I'm not sure where you work, but where I work, the people around the office don't even really have anything interesting to say. So when I read that you're feeling rejected by them I am getting this vibe: they are the only people you see. Is that true? Your trouble relating gives me the notion that you're probably much different than most people. Without common interests, your relationships are going to reach a stopping point. From what it sounds like, you're searching for relationships with more sustenance. I don't think your typical "How's the weather?" conversation is going to fill your void; you will have to do some work yourself. So...
What are your interests? Are they common or uncommon? Do you feel as though someone you know right now and at least relatively tolerate shares an interest with you? Why haven't you discussed it with them? You deserve attention, so go get some. I know it's not easy. But you'll do it if you want it bad enough.
"We won't change until the fear of change is exceeded by the pain we are experiencing."
Pia Mellody, The Intimacy Factor
Just a know-it-all peon with advice I need to be taking myself.
I genuinely hope you find what you need to improve your situation and stop torturing yourself. Your existence is precious.