I don't feel so alone anymore

[SJ]

Hi I just wanted to say how fantastic it is to find this site. I have never spoken to anyone about my MD before I wasn't aware until recently that it even had a name I thought for a long time I was losing my mind or was immature for daydreaming into adulthood.

I've struggled with MD for as long as I can remember, I remember sitting watching TV shows and my daydreams running away with me. I grew up an only child with 2 unhappy parents trapped in an unhappy marriage.

I used daydreaming to escape, I would dream my parents had split or that TV characters were my siblings and spent more time day dreaming than making friends and was a loner at school.

I always believed I would grow out of it when I hit my 20s or found a boyfriend to pull me into reality but that never happened I would still find my time to daydream.

I'm now 31 and I feel ashamed that I still rely on the fantasies to keep me going without them I feel lost and alone. But with them I feel like I'm losing my mind sometimes, I pace the house listening to music when alone, at the moment I have someone again from a TV show that is a main part of my MD so I watch reruns of the show and also spend time searching for pictures of this person.

I feel crazy and embarrassed and ashamed to admit to doing this, I feel sometimes I am stalking them without their knowledge, I would never contact them and I know completely that this is my fantasy and not reality.

I've been so afraid to write any of this down, part of me wants me to stop and the other part of me is too afraid to let go.

Sorry if that was long or if this is the wrong place to put this.

[Mali]

This wasn't long to read and I am also very glad I found this website. I cannot relate with everything you said since most of my daydreams comes from Anime/Manga characters or characters I created myself, so I don't feel that much of a stalker. But sometimes, I do DD about characters of Harry Potter, Person of Interest and the most awkward : Youtubers.  I imagined them being my friends or friends with my own created characters, so when that happen, yes I do feel ashamed and like a stalker and it's super awkward when I go back to watch their new content.

Don't worry about the embarrassment. Mostly everyone is embarrassed, but everyone understand here :3

[Kim Katz]

You do very well, by coming here. It has helped me  a lot !!

Pity that there is not enough  interaction between the members. Most of them are very shy, I think

Good luck ;-)

Kim

[Sian]

I didn't know MD existed until recently, and I've certainly never discussed it with anyone. It's my big secret, so I do really appreciate reading the comments on this site, although I've not commented much myself. It's good to know I'll not the only one.

[Kim Katz]

Dimmer said:

Kim Katz said:

Pity that there is not enough  interaction between the members. Most of them are very shy, I think

I've met a couple people in PM and chat, but it's hit or miss if anyone will respond. I know a few other places that are active if you're looking for more MDers to connect with. If you don't want to over extend yourself though I'll be your friend here!

Thank you very much for your message Dimmer. yes, I would be delighted to be your friend here. I hope we will exchange :-)

Have a lovely day !

kim

 

[dark thoughts]

I always thought I was seriously a screwed up weirdo until I stumbled on this site. Thank God for the internet!

[dark thoughts]

Jessica Ballantyne said:

Yeah, your case sounds so much like what I have! I am 31 years old and I am slowly trying to quit Maladaptive Daydreaming.
Day dreaming started since I was a baby and it constantly distracted my attention from real life activities in my childhood.
I also had asperger syndrome, so it was so hard to fit in—I couldn't seem to connect with people on any level. Most of all my school peers laughed and screeched at me for appearing very slow, clumsy and stupid. However, when I was 12, it started getting stronger as it was developing more into a case of maladaptive daydreaming. It all took place because I began to feel lonely and needed real relationships in my life. Having no friends around, nor any boyfriends, I had a hole in my heart due to a void feeling life was giving me. MDD got ever more powerful in my teens, and getting through high school was embarrassing and terrible. MDD just made everything worse for me. I was a complete and utter LONER. Everybody saw that I was very quiet and did not blend in with the crowd, so I seldom made any friends and got laughed at for being all by myself. They also made fun of me for evoking emotions out of my dreams, such as laughing aloud for no apparent reason. Boyfriends and dating was a 'no-happen-er' in my teens and 20's, even right now. Other people's stories of love and dating often turned me into a jealous green monster. MDD just seemed to make me crave romance even more. It made me all dazed and dopey looking in front of other people, who were trying to get my attention. Many people started getting angry and disturbed that I just would not listen to them! There were times I tried to find a date with a guy, but it was no use, because guys would notice I didn't TALK nor would I LISTEN, but also I appeared totally 'somewhere else.' So, they found me quite crazy, instead of hot.

I used to have the same MDD habits as you did. I would have a crush on a person on TV or in a movie, so I would search for this person on IMdb, Google images and Youtube or Netflix. I would step into their lives by reading details about their siblings, partners and children. When you care about a celebrity, you can't resist but know everything about them. Over time, this ended because I realize you can't just obsess over someone you'll never meet in person and develop a fantasy life with them, beyond their knowledge. Honestly, they'll never care about you. These days, as I am maturing more, I am always pondering about my future soul mate. Talking to lots of online psychics, he sounds so reminiscent of my father—tall, dark in sense of olive skinned, eyes brown and with facial hair. We're supposed to meet at a party gathering someday. At least he'll pay attention to me when nobody else has.

I think there should be a dating site for single MDDers. It's too late for some of us, but it would be so nice to have a partner who understood you, you could have daily dream and share time. It would make dealing with real life so much easier I think.

[FT]

Hello there!

I, just as you, recently learned about this condition recently by sheer concidence. And it makes me so happy and relieved to talk about it openly to people like me!

As how did it develop? Long story short, I've always been a shy person. Sure, I would daydream as a child but it was casual. And similarly to you, It became compulsive upon entering middle school, and I hit the bottom during high school. All of this is because I was often bullied and set aside.

I'm currently 20 years old and my MDD pushed me to pursue an art career and I love it!
I need to overcome this, because my grades went low back in my old career. But I also don't want to because it's my source for inspiration! So i'm kinda torn between those two haha.

[Wendy]

Hi!  I admit I feel pretty stupid for having written "excessive daydreaming" in the google searchbox only now. Reading that there is someone, somewhere in the world, that is pacing around the house with their mp3 player blasting at full volume is incredible . I've been doing that since I was about 11. I feel so relieved to know I'm not alone.

I too thought that it would have stopped in my twenties and when it didn't happen I feared it was the start of something worse,like schizophrenia or psychosis. Now I believe it's a part of me that I'll have to learn to live with day by day.

Thank you for sharing your stories, reading them gives me so much strength

sorry for my english :)

[Nikki K]

I'm the same way!!  I can't believe I never tried to google this! It was complete coincidence that I came across the term. I also listen to music a lot when I daydream, though I've turned that into a good thing because I go out jogging for a long time, just listening to music and daydreaming, and now I'm in much better shape and even ran a half marathon recently! 

Keep it up, we'll all figure this out somehow. And your English is fine! :)

Wendy said:

Hi!  I admit I feel pretty stupid for having written "excessive daydreaming" in the google searchbox only now. Reading that there is someone, somewhere in the world, that is pacing around the house with their mp3 player blasting at full volume is incredible . I've been doing that since I was about 11. I feel so relieved to know I'm not alone.

I too thought that it would have stopped in my twenties and when it didn't happen I feared it was the start of something worse,like schizophrenia or psychosis. Now I believe it's a part of me that I'll have to learn to live with day by day.

Thank you for sharing your stories, reading them gives me so much strength

sorry for my english :)