I Deserve More Than My Mind Can Give

[Jessica Ballantyne]

Daydreaming can be a wonderful catalyst for creativity — it fuels inspiration for writing, music, and art, and allows the imagination to thrive. But I've learned the hard way that it's best kept within the realm of creative pursuits. When it spills too far into real-life situations, it can backfire. For me, it had a significant impact on my social and romantic life. Being on the spectrum makes navigating relationships even more complex, and opening up about my daydreaming habits has sometimes led others to misunderstand me.

I've spent years in solitude, and over time, daydreaming became a kind of comfort — a warm refuge when the world felt distant and cold. I've always longed for connection, but the path to meaningful relationships often feels out of reach. So I retreat into imagined bonds, creating relationships with people who aren’t real… or with real people who don’t truly know me.

Honestly, I’m starting to feel like I’ve outgrown all of this. I want to move forward, mature, and build meaningful relationships with people who truly match my energy and values. But it’s not easy, especially when I don’t quite fit into society’s typical molds. I know I’m a deeply unique person — exceptional in ways that aren’t always immediately understood. And because of that, people often don’t know how to approach me… their glances linger a little too long, filled with questions they never quite ask aloud.

It’s hard to accept that my current situation feels so permanent — and honestly, it’s disheartening. Deep down, I know I’m worthy of something better, just like anyone else. I’ve started realizing that daydreaming alone won’t change things; there must be healthier, more practical ways to work toward the life I want. I struggle when conflict or tension keeps bubbling between me and others. Maybe if I found the courage to express how I truly feel, things could begin to shift for the better.