I am too afraid to be living like this but I am afraid to give up

I've been tied up for way too long, I forgot how to break free. I am afraid to give up on maladaptive dreaming because it's been too long, it's almost like who I am now. I am afraid that once I give up then I will regret it very badly and won't be able to come back. I don't even know myself, who I am and who I can become without maladaptive dreaming but at the end of the day I know that it really doesn't help me in any way. It pushes me far from reality and that pleases me but only temporarily. I am afraid to be 30 and still dreaming. I am afraid to watch my life disappear in front of my eyes and I can do nothing about it. But yet again, I am afraid of giving up on this one thing that pushes me away.

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Feeling the exact same way as you do. It's become a pretty significant part of my life now. I don't even know what I want to be, who I am. I have these ideals that make sense in my head but implementing them over what's already there has proven to be quite a tough process. My relationship with MD is a love-hate one. I'm constantly swinging back and forth between feeling comfortable by it and straight up feeling worthless because of it. We can only hope now our life would turn out the way we want it to.


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