Maladaptive Daydreaming: where wild minds come to rest
When I was a maladaptive daydreamer, I never knew at the time it was a mental disorder or a mental illness. I used to enjoy doing it, because it filled me with happy feelings and notions (that were fake and bogus). They did not assure me things will get better and I will be more successful. When I was under the condition, I noticed something was wrong. People found me extremely quiet and not in the zone. They felt that I wasn't listening in on their conversations or what was being announced. I began to hear "Another planet" by others, especially my mom. In spite, I believed my MD life was telling me I'll eventually find someone special to be in a relationship with—it actually was making my relationship life suffer. It made me introvert, deaf, socially vulnerable, and distant from everyday activities, and I just stopped being liked by other people. I began to develop imaginary friends in my head, and often, I found myself "talking aloud" to myself everywhere I went. My family began to show concern and often made remarks about my behavioural disorder. I didn't seem to give a damn, because I just worshipped my imagination. Things went terribly wrong over time. Every job I had didn't last for very long, either because I didn't communicate, stay focused, perform liable, or I was probably caught with my mind somewhere else. This made me impoverished and even after I graduated from college, I had a very hard time maintaining a career. My thinking skills began to slip, I showed no work ethic and talent, and the employers found me rather useless and disappointing. Even making friends was hard, because they were mad that I laugh inappropriately and fail to interact with them in a fashionable manner. My relationship with my mom nearly hit the rocks, I convinced her that I was going nuts, and she couldn't trust me anymore. My sister was perturbed to be around me at times. My dad was very understanding and tried to support and advisee me on how to act better around people.
I spent a decade just sitting at a desk in my room staring at a computer for hours after hours, instead of paying attention to people. I never dated, nor even got married. I don't even have children. On the weekends, I spent too much time alone, walking the trails and riding my bike, while "talking to my inner voices." Instead of hanging out with a real group of people. As though I were very shy and didn't know how to approach people. Let alone convince them that I was normal.
I recall that my MD was active until my mid-thirties, when the pandemic broke out. I stopped going anywhere to meet people, due to the germ warfare, and with that my MD life slowed down to a stop. The whole point of MD was to give me hope that I will make it out somehow and live life to the fullest. Regardless, when the pandemic made that hard to achieve, my dream life dropped altogether. I spent two years trying to find a job. I stopped believing in what my daydreams were showing me. I began to embrace reality way more and saw how things really are in the world. My "MD" just stopped making any sense to me any longer. When I look back at my past—I'm truly embarrassed and shocked by all the reactions I received by others. They were totally right about my mental health, and I seriously needed to see a specialist, because my behaviour was unacceptable and my mentality was not healthy.
Since my MD started at the age of 12—I'm sad that I ever went there. It just about ruined my life. If I had told my parents what my inappropriate laughter was about, they would've brought me to a psychiatrist, got me treated and my life would've looked so much better and different, than it really is today. And I deserve it.
I just hope this doesn't happen to you.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. But you're so brave to have gone through it alone and that too, for so many years. This is exactly how I've been feeling for the past year, and I don't know what to do about it. I've always been an introvert and very shy, but now I've become quieter. It's a sad thing that not many people understand that this too is a serious problem. I hope you're fine now and doing well. Good luck for your future endeavours!
I feel that time sped by while I did this. Now I feel like I'm treading in water, trying to get back on my feet. I never realized how damaging that daydreaming really is. Not to mention life sucking.
Getting out of it is seeming impossible. My life's getting ruined because of it.
Yea, I regret ever starting, and I kept it from my parents. Now I'm stuck in the life I have. I wish that I could turn back time, and do this differently.