Maladaptive Daydreaming: where wild minds come to rest
Everything that I have read about MD says it probably starts as a reaction to some sort of traumatic event in one's childhood...as a coping mechanism or something.
As far as my memory can tell, I have not suffered such an event BEFORE I can remember starting to daydream. I had the happiest childhood anyone could ask for - an amazing sibling, wonderful parents, good friends, pets, a roof over my head, etc.
Maybe it started because I had a hard time making friends at school? I didn't have that many friends in elementary school...but I did have some friends.
If you feel comfortable sharing, do you think you know WHY it started?
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I had a bad childhood as a child but for me being sexually abused and then being told that it didn't happen is what triggered it off for me. From then onwards my day dreams where everything to me. There I had a Mum, friends everything to make me really secure and happy. It was the only place that In felt safe.
I dont think its trauma. For when I think of any event that is termed "traumatic" like when my parents started fighting or my father molesting me. I don't daydream, instead I get mad or unemotional (like kind of numb and quiet). But like someone posted about a couple of weeks ago, when they said that when they get sad or angry, this is the time of least daydreaming for them, in a waay I fell the same way too. Kind of strange but, yeah MD seems to develop from who knows where! =/
For me, personally... it was (and still is) definitely a coping mechanism.
I remember starting to daydream when I was very, very, veeery young... maybe around 5-6 years old.
I can be sure because I have previous memories to compare with. I remember being 3 years old, at home with my mom and grandparents. I can recall very specific situations quite clearly... like, standing next to the door with my shoes on and not being able to tie my shoe laces, so I had to ask my mom to do it for me. I remember being so little that my hand could barely reach the top of the sink. I remember the feeling of not knowing what was on the inside of my body and being very curious about it, I just looked at my hands and wondered... I thought it was something very thick and strong, like metal :D
My family took care of me, took me out to gardens, playgrounds, spent time with me, played with me, taught me to read and do different things... I remember a lot of all that despite the fact that I was so tiny and young.
After that, my mom and gradmother had to get jobs, so I was enrolled in a type of full-day kinder garden. My mom would take me there early in the morning and come to pick me up after work, so I would spend my entire days there. That kinder garden is where everything started for me... It was a rather unpleasant environment to grow up in.
The teachers tended to us, of course... but they didn't genuinely care. They were just kind of trying to do their job, without getting too involved. I remember being fed food that made me sick very often, I remember vomitting a lot, feeling sick and subsequently crying because of that food. I remember being bullied a lot, being isolated, being made fun of. I remember that one teacher who actually cared and loved children, I can still see her face and smile so clearly in my head. Also, I have a very vivid image of the teacher who seemed to hate children in a way and who showed me very little kindness when I started vomitting due to the bad food (which they had forced me into eating, even though I didn't want to).
Anyway, that was just kinder garden. I had a lot of bad times from then on as well. Of course I also had a lot of good times, but... I am most definitely happier now than I was during my childhood and teens.
Thank Godness, I haven't had many cases of physical abuse, as much as plain old-fashioned bullying, a problematic family (after all my grandparents died and my father left while I was still very young), emotional distance, loneliness, isolation, social fears... things like that.
I've been doing a lot of thinking as to how and why I started and I can now say I've been able to narrow it down. Especially after finding this site and reading all the available information, it has only confirmed my initial suspicions =)
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