how did it start?

[JoAnna W]

Everything that I have read about MD says it probably starts as a reaction to some sort of traumatic event in one's childhood...as a coping mechanism or something.

 

As far as my memory can tell, I have not suffered such an event BEFORE I can remember starting to daydream. I had the happiest childhood anyone could ask for - an amazing sibling, wonderful parents, good friends, pets, a roof over my head, etc.

 

Maybe it started because I had a hard time making friends at school? I didn't have that many friends in elementary school...but I did have some friends. 

If you feel comfortable sharing, do you think you know WHY it started?

[Dreamland Girl]

Like you, I have no clue. No major event took place before I started daydreaming excessively. I was a bit shy as a child, but I did have a few good friends and my family was wonderful. I don't get it either...

[Days go by as I wonder]

This is what I have been looking for, forever! I have been to 2 or 3 therapist for my depressions and been on maybe atleast 5 antidepressants. I firmly believe I should be on some meds but which one is what I don't know. I never really told anyone this but I think this and depression and anxiety has effected me for what has happened in my childhood. I clearly remember being in my room that I shared with sis, my bro and I were leaning on the bed and he touched me down there but with my clothes on, I think he just put his hand there.  There was another where I would go to my aunts house to play with my cousin(female) who was couple years younger than me and we would play with her dolls and there was a time where we were laying in her parents room(?) and laying under the sheets and I had my hands between her legs in her girl area and she would do the same. Her mom caught us but i dont know if she knew what was going on or anything, I don't think I went back after that. Another is where I would go to my gma house and have my other (female) cousin play with me in a room or at my new house and I would touch her chest area and girl area. The one thing that disturbs me is when I was in preteen maybe I remember seeing my parents leaving the house and my sis was in sofa and we would lay on sofa and we would pretend playing husband wife and I would be the husband and I would touch her. I remember my aunt as she does this to use as we are older, she would pat our behinds and I felt uncomfortable with that..I dont know or remember being molested or touched by anyone else older than me that would make me do this in my childhood. It bothers me to this day that I did that to my two cousins and my own siblings.  Where did it come from what made me do this or experience this or how did i know what to do or touch at that matter. I always felt someone did touch me when i was younger but maybe too young to remember? I always had that feeling. I see my mom looking at females behinds or just starring at them and I wonder why is she starring at them esp their behinds..I just have a weird vibe. Even when I am wearing a shirt and its "cold" and I will see her looking at my chest area and i will cross my arms or just leave the room. I dont appreciate how she looks at me either. But with all this being said, I day dream alot and just think about everything thats happened to me...If I ever get married am I suppose to share this with my husband? I am in my late 20s with a son who i am protective of, but I would love to get married etc etc..but this too keeps me back from dating and being open..maybe this is too open for any relationship i think. but at the same time I would want my future husband to know everything about me from childhood to present..

[Cordellia Amethyste Rose]

Hi, JoAnna.  Dr. Eli Somer, who coined the term, thought it started as a result of trauma.........but he had only 6 study participants.  We've learned a lot since then.  While many do start after trauma, many also say they started for other reasons.  I think that our brains are just like this, and certain things like trauma can perhaps trigger it or make it worse.  I was screamed at and traumatized all my life.............but it honestly feels like I've just always been like this, and that only pushed me in further.  I think my brain just needs constant stimulus and prefers internal stimuli over external stimuli.  I'm not sure there has to be a trigger per se.  I think it's just how our brains are & certain things can push us in further.  

Either way, you are definitely not the only one who wasn't traumatized.  That's an out-dated conclusion.  You can have a perfect life with no trauma and be a daydreamer.  

[roxanne]

I don"t think I ever experienced any trauma, but I started daydreaming at such an early age & it was so compelling.  I don't feel it has interfered with my life.  As a therapist of 30 years, I would advise Days Go By to not tell everything to new relationship, but ease into it.  It is nothing to be ashamed of, but someone needs to know who you are before they hear all this, and then go forward with the relationship . 

[Cordellia Amethyste Rose]

I agree that you don't need to tell a new relationship everything........as knowing all the little details of your life at once can be overwhelming in general.  However, when you talk about it, don't act like you're confessing.  Mention it like it's a fascinating trait and NOT a disease or a sin.  It's just another thing about you, and it can be something great.  It's something that comes with wondrous gifts and struggles if you get sucked in too much.  That's all.  It doesn't have to be brought up like it's a big deal.  I've posted tips for how to broach the topic in various discussions.  It's probably listed under "Does anyone know?"  I'm pretty sure I've posted my spiel a few places.  I've had lots of practice, and there are definitely ways to do it that inspire fascination and respect rather than pity and shame.  I do NOT accept anyone pitying me.  If anyone tries, I let them know exactly how I feel about that (It's judgment, and it's not okay).  We are whole, and we live enhanced lives.  There is nothing bad or wrong about us.  We have our own set of struggles, just like any person might.

[roxanne]

Cordelia, I so agree with you on this.  It is a gift - one that others may not appreciate as such, but no less so for that.  Because others may not get it, I think it's a good idea to go slow & guage their reactions, but never apologize.  Your own reaction to your gift also weighs in here,Days Go By.  If you are ashamed of it, you will present it in that way.  Stay on this website - you may get the healthiest therapy you are going to find.

Cordelia, are you familiar with Ted Andrews, part Native American psychic, story-teller, and shape-shifter.(He recently passed away).  Anyway, he says when animals come into your life, they bring gifts, lessons and/or warnings. Groundhog is particularly interesting, and  crossed paths with one right after finding your website.  He represents the power of dreaming.  He represents the ability to get deep within an area of interest, cutting off all other distractions.  They hibernate 4-6 montha a year.  Hibernation represents dreaming, but also death without dying - a very powerful thing.  Groundhog, according to Ted Andrews , is a symbol of opening fully to the dreamtime  , and using the power & clarity of this altered state.  Many mystics call on his power to slow down metabolism & go into trance  , so they can leave the body, but continue to leave the body protected.  What a powerful totem.

[Days go by as I wonder]

Well I will definitely be staying on this site. I get more advice and good words from here than any therapist I have ever seen and it will definitely save me $!  I have times also where I will be doing laundry at my house and out of the blue I stare in the ceiling and day dream and I have had this since I was young, I would stare and have my mouth open and like my arms down to the side but open as if I am in a still position but in my own world dreaming and then I have to knock myself back to reality and continue with life. I have a question well I have been on or tried different medication  zoloft at 16, lexapro, celexa, cymbalta, and i think one more... is anyone on any meds? I know this is different and hasnt been researched as I read earlier but wouldn't something help a lil?

[Cordellia Amethyste Rose]

Actually it is being researched at length.  One person found fluvoxamine helpful.  I take meds for sleep, but meds have never worked for anything else for me.  Then again, meds rarely work in general for me.  I was surprised they even worked for sleep.

[Days go by as I wonder]

I will make a doctor appointment and see which ones I have been on before and see if I can get prescribed that and see how it works or maybe there is something else I have yet tried.  I will keep yall updated and see what happens, hopefully he can see me Monday.

[roxanne]

I have found Rhodiola useful for general mood boost.  I order it through Dr. Amen's clinic.  It is combined with a couple other supplements and helps raise dopamine levels.  ADD has been associated with excessive daydreaming; ADD is caused by low dopamine levels.  I have not noticed that rhodiola has decreased my daydreaming, but then I"m not bothered by my amount of daydreaming.  I do think it helps my alertness and general mood.

[rebecka]

I don't remember being in any sort of trauma either, I think the reason I started daydreaming was loneliness... I never had any friends at all until I was like 6-7, because my mom didn't know anyone else with kids so I never got to meet any other children, I guess I started doing it as a way to entertain myself. Then it just stuck and it keeps getting worse and worse.

[Charles Glenn Ladd]

Honestly, it didn't even occur to me that I was significantly different imagination-wise until I was at least 9 or 10. I've been a compulsive daydreamer for as long as I can remember, and it just never occurred to me that there was any other way to think. Like you, I'm pretty sure I've never had a severely traumatic incident, or even a significant problem with my upbringing. I guess it's just how my brain came out.