Ever been in love with one of your characters?

[charm]

This is my first time admitting this problem to anyone. I am so glad I have found a group of people who may understand.

I have had MD most of my life. I have made up so many different characters and stories and gone on so many wonderful adventures (in my head).

But the thing I am really struggling with is that I am so in love with a character. He is the same central character that I have been using since I was about 12 years old (27 now). Yes he has changed over the years, as have I but his personality and history has remained pretty constant.

The thing is I am married. I actually managed to stop with the romantic daydreams for the past few years but lately I have found myself doing it again. And I have been indulging these phantasys and HE is back, better and more wonderful then ever before and I have fallen for him again. He is like an old friend that has growen up with me, a part of me that I have missed so much these past few years.

The problem is that lately I find myself wanting to spend less time with my real life husband and more time with my dream man. Real life husband just can not live up (not his fault the dream guy sets an impossibly high bar).

I decided recently that for the sake of my marriage I need to stop, but its so hard because Im in love with this guy and I cant bare to think of not having him around (even though he never was). Its like Im actually breaking up with someone, I have been so sad and cry for no reason. I can't tell my husband about this! I can't tell anyone.  But I'm sure he must be noticing how distant and "off" I have been.

So glad to find an online forum of people who might understand.

Has anyone ever been in this situation before?

[Crissy]

I've been there, to be honest I'm always there. I find myself saying no to nights out with my husband b/c it interferes with my time with "him". We've been married awhile & we hardly do anything together. He's gotten so use to it & we've seemed to accept that's just the kind of couple we are. He's gotten so use to my silence that when I need to talk its difficult for both of us. I'm working on being more present but he's become comfortable & I think he likes how easy it is to be with me. If md is just beginning to have an impact take action. It's good you're recognizing it early.

[taffle]

I dissociate myself from my characters, so I mostly daydream in 3rd person. I daydream about 2 characters who are in a romantic relationship; I put myself in the shoes of the main character and try to experience the romance in her point of view. Sometimes, I get carried away because I can empathize too much to the point where I feel like I am the character. But I always tell myself, I am not the character, I should separate my fantasy world from real world.

[Alta Morden]

Yes, I did this as well.  It results in a lot of silences within a marriage, and hurts communication between the couple.  And it is so unfair to compare a real person with a fantasy person whose every action and thought we can control.  I did get divorced and would say this was at least a factor.

[M Hunter]

Yes this happens for me as well and I find it very hard to connect with my real life partner and things are currently very tense between us. Part of me wants to stop but it's just so difficult trying to leave that imaginary life behind when I've invested so much into it. 

[greyartist]

yes, this one of the things that makes MD so maladaptive. It cripples my ability to enjoy my relationship with my husband. I constantly notice his flaws, the things my character does better. It is poisen for sure. I wish I had a solution to offer.

[Jody]

I absolutely deal with this. Every night when I go to sleep, I turn from the man I love to my imaginary boyfriend.

Over the past week I've been forcing myself to confront my MD and the issues it's been covering up. I had major emotional revelations and have been sharing them with my (real world) boyfriend.

Of course I have no intention of telling him about my imaginary love life-- I don't think that would be right. But for me MD isn't about what I dream about, it's WHY I dream it. These are the things I have to deal with if I'm ever to stop MD and nurture my relationship.

I suspect the you may have to do the same.

[Jennifer Roxanne Peverell]

i somewhat know how you feel. i haven't had a boyfriend for a long time because i feel like I already have one. I love this "boyfriend" so much that i don't think that i will never love somebody else and it scares me.

[Jenna]

Honestly my character has been in love with a few characters and sometimes it gets so intense that I feel butterflies and heartbreak along with her.  What makes this even odder is that my character and I have two completely different sexualities.  I'm embarrassed by the fact I can feel this way like my character can romantically yet I'm the opposite of her. It just makes things more confusing. @ Laine, I understand that's basically how I think.

[Sarah]

Yes! After many years I finally found someone. Because in the past I would be with someone but we would never last.

Im scared about having a relationship in reality, I'll feel really bad:(

[otakugirl]

Never in my life have I had a real relationship. In fact recently I have been rejected. It took a huge tool on me and I am still hurt. DD helps me to forget about it and when I dd of my prince charming I feel better. Tons. Sad but true my only love I have received was from my imagination. (finally I admitted it. Pathetic I know. Maybe love is just not for me)

:)

[otakugirl]

Jennifer Roxanne Peverell said:

i somewhat know how you feel. i haven't had a boyfriend for a long time because i feel like I already have one. I love this "boyfriend" so much that i don't think that i will never love somebody else and it scares me.

Wow I can really relate with how you feel

[FemShep]

yes..and i am the same as most who responded..my real life relationship is suffering. we never do things together anymore, and i'd rather be alone with my fantasy partner. i try to work on it, but find myself so easily falling back into my other life.