My journey with MD

[Evelyn Lowery]

I will be 80 years old in October and I have had MD since I was about six, I didn’t know what it was until just a few years ago. I was never really able to relate or communicate well with anyone, parents or siblings, not my son or even my husband of 45 years, who passed away over 7 years ago,

Because I lived in another world and only visited here,  MD and all of the doors it opened in my life , costed me everything . Relationships with my family, friends, colleagues, neighbors and in-laws.

Over time, the doors of fear opened, and then anxiety, paranoia, suspicion ,distrust, shame, and I became overwhelmed with indecision and low self esteem, timidity and Social phobia caused me to have a personality disorder.

And when I finally found out what I was dealing with ,through the wild minds network , there was no one close enough to talk to about it because I had driven all of them away, And when I tried to talk about it , it brought forth more shame and despair because they couldn’t understand it. 
Through much prayer and consecration , I am recovering from the devastation of living with MD all these years . I believe the hardest things I deal with now , is when I think about all the time I lost in a world of unreality , and the people I hurt who mean so much to me .

l know I can’t change any of it , but I feel that by adding my journey to this forum it might help other MD’ers to seek God for deliverance and freedom from this devastating addiction that can destroy your life and hurt others you love.

The journey in deliverance from MD is very hard at times because of the lack of communication skills and awareness of world events and interactions with other people. But, through prayer and meditation God walks us through it and gives us the strength to overcome.

Thank you for listening, I pray God’s blessings and strength on each of you!

[Jessica Ballantyne]

I turned 40 this Spring. I have asperger syndrome and I MD, so I come across to people as a personality disorder. They tend to get very upset and mad at me suddenly, as maybe I have no idea what I did to trigger their feelings. They just think I have an attitude problem, and sense I don't socialize. I found it extreme hard to develop relationships this way. I thought MD would help me escape my life long burden with these social mishaps—but it only made everything even worse. Only then after, people take regard of the fact I am daydreaming and I'm so very quiet around them, causing them to not like me even more...and think I have issues. These days people react strongly on the spot, think you are a bad person, but don't have the patience to stop, listen, and understand you better—to analyze what is really going, and you're not who you appear to be. 

[Evelyn Lowery]

Hi Jessica, l am so glad you responded to “my Journey “. God is still walking me through some of the same challenges. I know that He’s with me, but sometimes, I still don’t understand what I did wrong to cause people to be stand-off and don’t want to talk to me, just wave-give a fake smile, and start talking to someone else. So I find myself overthinking sometimes, which is not good, because that can lead to anxiety, insecurity, fears, suspicion and even depression. That HAS happened to me for many years…It is much better now, because I pray and meditate on God’s Word, which gives me peace
In the midst of my trying to communicate with others.
But I still find myself struggling at times,.. trying to make sense of some of these things. I do know that God is in control of everything, and He is the only one that can help us through this difficult time!!!
I will keep you in my prayers 🙏🏼
Feel free to comment anytime or call
Blessings to you

[Jessica Ballantyne]

Have you ever got into a bout of trouble? Did family, friends, or anyone catch whim of the fact you did MD? Did you run into any consequences, and did it effect future plans?

[Evelyn Lowery]

Yes, as a matter of fact, I told them about it soon after I first found out that MD was what I had been suffering from for so many years. And without realizing the consequences of telling a whole group of people…church people….Christian believers…, my story of struggling with rejection as a child and my MD as a crutch,… living in another world since childhood !!! The response was totally devastating to me.., they began to watch me,…even with videos on their cell phones !! I was so naive… I sincerely believed they loved me and would support me in my recovery . I was totally wrong!!! I struggled with more rejection , and being looked down on … from people I loved and cared for.
I’ve searched for help and support from others who l thought would try to understand, but to no avail .

This journey of Recovery from MD has been extremely difficult, full of shame, and very lonely…l feel like I have lost most of my life and all my family and friends because of MD.
But I can truthfully say that God has never left me.
I could not have made it through so much rejection, shame , extreme social phobia and regrets, without God continually reminding me that He loved me and that I would be alright.
He is still working on me in deliverance, l thank Him so much for his patience and kindness towards me.

[Jessica Ballantyne]

I'm not a religious church-goer, but I am an agnostic. 

I have never announced to people that I have done MD since childhood. Apparently, I didn't have to sprawl out my tongue. As my family and others have figured it out, due to my mindless actions and loss of communication. They have reacted and responded in ways that still make me, to this day, want to walk to the restroom and puke. They treated me like I was looney, or I literally took a rocket launch to the furthest planet in the universe. Others, looked at me like I was plain weird, and simply asked why I didn't hear, why I do certain things so illogically with no good intact memory. 

When I was in my 20's, I thought MD was radical, and I'll still get by somehow—that so wasn't the case. I got totally busted by a family member, and she still keeps a watch on me everyday, bringing up my drifting ways every morning...wondering if I'm listening to her, while jutting a waving hand.