Wild Minds network
Maladaptive Daydreaming: where wild minds come to rest
My First Post
Hi people, this is my first time writing out... Please bear with me.
People say this isn't an illness as sufferers like us know what is going on, normal people think we can control it...
I remembered how I start this imagination thing in my head. It all started 7 years ago... Doing my daily things halfway, a memory hits me, it was a moment that I make weird faces when I was around 6 years old? Out of nowhere, I suddenly laugh, laughing at how dramatic I was, but deep inside, I felt loved. That moment where I actually express out my real feelings. Hence, I went inside the toilet and I make that same weird face expression, same weird body expression. Laughing to myself, having fun alone inside the toilet...
Slowly, I am interested in spending time alone, as I can express myself out, laughing at myself, playing with the mirror me or the imagination of 'my sister'... Days by days, weeks by weeks, months by months, years by years gone by, every time when I have a crush during my high school days, I will start my imagination in the toilet again. How lovely we are if we do this if we do that together. Imagination on how I can express my hate towards my mom for the years of unfair treatment, for the bias-ness against me due to sexism. Imagination on how I can act during past encounters. After all this imagination, I felt so relieved, I felt love. From myself or my sister.
Years went by, I am still having imagination, but this time I realise it is starting to affect my daily life. I start changing my past, telling people past that I didn't have. But I can say it so fluently as if I've really been through. I start forgetting things, and I can't focus well. P.S. I felt that my memories are just like goldfish memories!!!
Last but not least, I'm really glad I found this site where I can express my thoughts. And I am not the only one and there are names for my disorder, maladaptive daydreaming also known as Compulsive Fantasizing. This is my first time writing out, and I felt so good now. Thanks for people who actually read finish, and sorry for the bad English in advanced!
Cheers to all!
Views: 300
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Diana Lombard on
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My story sounds similar to you! I always find myself to be able to have fun and laugh and think about happy scenarios while alone, but then I feel so creepy and weird to be laughing by myself.
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Permalink Reply by Silver Swan on
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I've been an MDD'er for years, but wish I hadn't done this. I had a very cushy and carefree lifestyle in my childhood and adolescence. So I had no idea what a burden this daydreaming would put on my adulthood. When you get older, your brain gets older too, so it doesn't have the same strength and endurance for powerful daydreaming. You do have to pay attention when you grow up, so whenever I go somewhere or do something very important, I freak out when I notice I'm about to drift off into dreamland. I'm so afraid someone is going to notice, so I snap awake instantly. I don't understand how adults can still do this and be successful in their jobs, especially when it comes down to communicating and problem solving. Someone would think I have an attention deficit disorder if they didn't know that I daydreamed.
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Personally, I don't feel creepy instead, I feel so relieved and happy. But I know this thought will just worsen this MDD thing... But I really felt so alive in my own imaginary world. I get to control everything, I can choose what happens next, I am both the director, scripter and actor of my own show. Most of it happens when I'm bathing, alone in a room. I get to watch myself in the mirror, acting 'crazy', talking to myself. Haha.. Cheers!!
Diana Lombard said:My story sounds similar to you! I always find myself to be able to have fun and laugh and think about happy scenarios while alone, but then I feel so creepy and weird to be laughing by myself.
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Hi, I agree with what you say. As we grow older, our mind slowly immune to the thoughts. And it will get hard to actually control it. There was once, while I was walking along some streets, it just happens. I smiled to myself and talk to myself, but I am glad that passers-by thought I was talking on the phone. But deep inside I know I wasn't. It was the MDD acting up again...
Silver Swan said:I've been an MDD'er for years, but wish I hadn't done this. I had a very cushy and carefree lifestyle in my childhood and adolescence. So I had no idea what a burden this daydreaming would put on my adulthood. When you get older, your brain gets older too, so it doesn't have the same strength and endurance for powerful daydreaming. You do have to pay attention when you grow up, so whenever I go somewhere or do something very important, I freak out when I notice I'm about to drift off into dreamland. I'm so afraid someone is going to notice, so I snap awake instantly. I don't understand how adults can still do this and be successful in their jobs, especially when it comes down to communicating and problem solving. Someone would think I have an attention deficit disorder if they didn't know that I daydreamed.
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I never knew what I looked like laughing all by myself. People used to be so uncomfortable to be around me. Then as I went to the bathroom, a joke started out in my head, so I stared into the mirror, and saw myself laughing totally for nothing. It actually appeared very strange to see myself that way. I began to see why others tried not to go near me. I didn't make very many friends when I was doing this a lot. So, it kind of serves me right.
Fish said:Personally, I don't feel creepy instead, I feel so relieved and happy. But I know this thought will just worsen this MDD thing... But I really felt so alive in my own imaginary world. I get to control everything, I can choose what happens next, I am both the director, scripter and actor of my own show. Most of it happens when I'm bathing, alone in a room. I get to watch myself in the mirror, acting 'crazy', talking to myself. Haha.. Cheers!!
Diana Lombard said:My story sounds similar to you! I always find myself to be able to have fun and laugh and think about happy scenarios while alone, but then I feel so creepy and weird to be laughing by myself.
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Hey, please don't feel this way... You have us (: We all understand what you have been through and it's absolutely fine here. I can totally relate to going "... to the bathroom, a joke started out in my head, so I stared into the mirror, and saw myself laughing totally for nothing". It happens to me all the time especially these days, it's more frequent, but deep inside I know, I felt more relieved and at first, it scares me... I felt like I am a crazy woman, laughing at 'nothing', then I checked Google, it says it's a way of stress reliever. So, I guess it's nothing really harmful I suppose?
Same as you, I do not have many friends, in fact, my fingers can even count them. But it's really alright. You just need a real friend, one who does not give up on you and be there when you need but be mindful he/she is a human too. They have their own personal stress too. Lastly, if you really need someone to talk to, you can private message me here, if it's possible... I'll gladly be your friend. ^.^
Silver Swan said:I never knew what I looked like laughing all by myself. People used to be so uncomfortable to be around me. Then as I went to the bathroom, a joke started out in my head, so I stared into the mirror, and saw myself laughing totally for nothing. It actually appeared very strange to see myself that way. I began to see why others tried not to go near me. I didn't make very many friends when I was doing this a lot. So, it kind of serves me right.
Fish said:Personally, I don't feel creepy instead, I feel so relieved and happy. But I know this thought will just worsen this MDD thing... But I really felt so alive in my own imaginary world. I get to control everything, I can choose what happens next, I am both the director, scripter and actor of my own show. Most of it happens when I'm bathing, alone in a room. I get to watch myself in the mirror, acting 'crazy', talking to myself. Haha.. Cheers!!
Diana Lombard said:My story sounds similar to you! I always find myself to be able to have fun and laugh and think about happy scenarios while alone, but then I feel so creepy and weird to be laughing by myself.
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Sure we can chat personal anytime. Your message really made me feel better about everything. Thanks.
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I feel as if I took my MDD way too far. It was so strong, it literally made me believe I can make my ambitions come true. My life only got worse because of it, so now I'm completely stunned and shaken about it. It made me learn that nothing comes out of dreams, you really do have to make it happen.
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