Maladaptive daydreaming is taking over my life

[Poppy_ᕦ⁠ʕ⁠ ⁠•⁠ᴥ⁠•⁠ʔ⁠ᕤ]

First time i post here so i don't know if it's okay for me to vent but here i go ; my life has been difficult, if i had to describe my childhood in one word i'd say violent. And so, i suppose just like people here, i escaped through my imagination, i make characters and incorporate them in stories i like, or imagine myself having a happy life, or finally talking/yelling back at all those people who hurt me. However, even though I understand now that this was a way for my brain to survive, i can't help but regret all the things that i missed, the relationships, the opportunities...etc. My maladaptive daydreaming is getting out of hand, i daydream all day and don't see the hours going and need it to fall asleep. By spending all my time imagining the person i want to be, i become someone i hate more everyday. I need my situation to change, but at the same time i can't just give up on maladaptive daydreaming, i crave it, it's the one thing that gave me comfort for so many years. Do you guys have any advice ?

[Yukia]

Hi and welcome. Just a quick note that nobody here can give you professional advice. If you want to give up of maladapting daydreaming, there's a long to-do list to tick beforehand.

For example, you need to make sure there are no stressors in your life, or at least they aren't around you 24/7. Find alternative ways to distract yourself from them. Don't try going cold turkey because it can and will end badly for you. Better alternate between healthy distractions (like reading a book, doodling, singing, cooking, playing, chatting, even simply scrolling through stuff online) and daydreaming. Give your brain some dopamine variety. But don't deprive it of its best source suddenly and for long. I guarantee you it won't like it, and you'll end up with the worst relapse of your lifetime once it kicks in again.

Another of those many to-dos is to work on your boundaries. Cannot overstate this. Maladaptive daydreaming is in its core about you having poor boundaries with yourself. You're already seeing how that works:

i daydream all day and don't see the hours going and need it to fall asleep

i become someone i hate more everyday

That's definition of poor boundaries. You can't tell yourself no even if it's good for you. Side note: it's not about discipline at all. Discipline is a word for people who don't have an uncontrollable psychological condition. If someone hears you tell your story and immediately calls for discipline please put your socks toes first in their mouth and call it a day.

Also check for anxiety. If you turn out to have it, don't try to fight it because it'll only get worse. Learn how to embrace it instead and it'll suddenly stop being a nuisance.

As for the "missed life opportunities" and FOMO in general, and I'm speaking from lived experience, just don't bother. Fussing over things that didn't happen is empty because they're worthless if they didn't even occur to you, aren't they? Besides, lots of people nowadays have FOMO. It isn't exclusive to MD, that's because we live in a disconnected world that only wants to be heard but never wants to listen. So chill. You are who you are, just gotta take care of your mental health.

[Poppy_ᕦ⁠ʕ⁠ ⁠•⁠ᴥ⁠•⁠ʔ⁠ᕤ]

Thank you so much ! You have really good advices !! I'll be sure to follow them, including the "put your socks toes in their mouth" one, good stuff 👍🏼. I hope you have a great day/evening

[Osiris Eryx]

Hello! 
I found your post interesting, especially the part of you needing it to fall asleep..because I have done that ever since I was a kid, do you daydream about your characters going to sleep? 

It seems that it does affect you a lot, and you are trying really hard to get your life back. 
Everyone's story is different, and I am not aware of your personal struggles so I don't have any advice for you, and I glad that you are trying to better yourself. 

[Evelyn Lowery]

Hello,

I was reading your post and found that I have experienced some of the same problems. I am almost 80 years old and I started daydreaming when I was about six years old. Going through school was a big challenge, even though I made pretty good grades, I didn’t really make friends because I wasn’t always present, I was living in a different world.

But, to fast forward ,many years , I have found that trying to recover from MD is extremely difficult ! I found out that I had MD a little over 10 years ago , and trying to recover and get some kind of balance in my life has been very challenging, because I didn’t, and still don’t, have any support from family or anyone.
But , I have discovered that through prayer and studying my bible, God will help us to overcome MD and all of the effects it has caused in our lives!. I am much better, but still recovering , and I encourage you to consider praying to God and reading the Bible daily , and joining in with others that are looking forward to being free from MD.
 We can’t do anything about all the time lost, all the years spent in a world that doesn’t exist…..to dwell on it only causes more pain and depression.. I Know , because I did it!  Most of my life is already gone, I will be 80 years old in October, but I do believe that the best days of my life is yes to come! 
So I encourage you to forgive yourself and ,forget those things that are behind , and look forward to a new and better life , and a great future in God and with family and friends.

praying God’s blessings on your journey 

[Jessica Ballantyne]

I understand your feelings on missing out on life's opportunities and relationships. I just turned 40, but regret how much time I lost to maladaptive daydreaming. Currently, I feel alone and shut out from the world—because I allowed it to be that way doing MD for years. Now I'm in hot water with my family and other people. If I took care of myself and lived on Earth, I probably would've made my life a better place. I still have time to do this! But apparently, I missed on things as a young kid, which I find hard to endure.