Wild Minds network
Maladaptive Daydreaming: where wild minds come to rest
My journey with MD
I will be 80 years old in October and I have had MD since I was about six, I didn’t know what it was until just a few years ago. I was never really able to relate or communicate well with anyone, parents or siblings, not my son or even my husband of 45 years, who passed away over 7 years ago,
Because I lived in another world and only visited here, MD and all of the doors it opened in my life , costed me everything . Relationships with my family, friends, colleagues, neighbors and in-laws.
Over time, the doors of fear opened, and then anxiety, paranoia, suspicion ,distrust, shame, and I became overwhelmed with indecision and low self esteem, timidity and Social phobia caused me to have a personality disorder.
And when I finally found out what I was dealing with ,through the wild minds network , there was no one close enough to talk to about it because I had driven all of them away, And when I tried to talk about it , it brought forth more shame and despair because they couldn’t understand it.
Through much prayer and consecration , I am recovering from the devastation of living with MD all these years . I believe the hardest things I deal with now , is when I think about all the time I lost in a world of unreality , and the people I hurt who mean so much to me .
l know I can’t change any of it , but I feel that by adding my journey to this forum it might help other MD’ers to seek God for deliverance and freedom from this devastating addiction that can destroy your life and hurt others you love.
The journey in deliverance from MD is very hard at times because of the lack of communication skills and awareness of world events and interactions with other people. But, through prayer and meditation God walks us through it and gives us the strength to overcome.
Thank you for listening, I pray God’s blessings and strength on each of you!
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Jessica Ballantyne on
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I turned 40 this Spring. I have asperger syndrome and I MD, so I come across to people as a personality disorder. They tend to get very upset and mad at me suddenly, as maybe I have no idea what I did to trigger their feelings. They just think I have an attitude problem, and sense I don't socialize. I found it extreme hard to develop relationships this way. I thought MD would help me escape my life long burden with these social mishaps—but it only made everything even worse. Only then after, people take regard of the fact I am daydreaming and I'm so very quiet around them, causing them to not like me even more...and think I have issues. These days people react strongly on the spot, think you are a bad person, but don't have the patience to stop, listen, and understand you better—to analyze what is really going, and you're not who you appear to be.
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Hi Jessica, l am so glad you responded to “my Journey “. God is still walking me through some of the same challenges. I know that He’s with me, but sometimes, I still don’t understand what I did wrong to cause people to be stand-off and don’t want to talk to me, just wave-give a fake smile, and start talking to someone else. So I find myself overthinking sometimes, which is not good, because that can lead to anxiety, insecurity, fears, suspicion and even depression. That HAS happened to me for many years…It is much better now, because I pray and meditate on God’s Word, which gives me peace
In the midst of my trying to communicate with others.
But I still find myself struggling at times,.. trying to make sense of some of these things. I do know that God is in control of everything, and He is the only one that can help us through this difficult time!!!
I will keep you in my prayers 🙏🏼
Feel free to comment anytime or call
Blessings to you
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Have you ever got into a bout of trouble? Did family, friends, or anyone catch whim of the fact you did MD? Did you run into any consequences, and did it effect future plans?
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I'm not a religious church-goer, but I am an agnostic.
I have never announced to people that I have done MD since childhood. Apparently, I didn't have to sprawl out my tongue. As my family and others have figured it out, due to my mindless actions and loss of communication. They have reacted and responded in ways that still make me, to this day, want to walk to the restroom and puke. They treated me like I was looney, or I literally took a rocket launch to the furthest planet in the universe. Others, looked at me like I was plain weird, and simply asked why I didn't hear, why I do certain things so illogically with no good intact memory.
When I was in my 20's, I thought MD was radical, and I'll still get by somehow—that so wasn't the case. I got totally busted by a family member, and she still keeps a watch on me everyday, bringing up my drifting ways every morning...wondering if I'm listening to her, while jutting a waving hand.
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Do you know of any MD’ers that struggle in their marriage because of the constant distraction of MD?
Do you know any MD’ers personally?
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I never met anybody who is an MD'er personally, especially married ones. I honestly don't have very many friends. I haven't met anybody with a case such as mine, because everyone I've met reacted on my attention span and listening.
I've never been married myself. I'm curious to know how you struggled in your marriage being an MD'er.
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I struggled a lot in my marriage, because MD caused me to be so distracted from reality, and things that were going on around me. He didn’t understand what it was and never did I , because I didn’t know it was MD for many years! It was a very difficult because he was very outgoing, the type of person that never meet a stranger, and I was just the opposite. I was very fearful and insecure, and easily intimidated. I prayed a lot, but, not knowing what my problem was made me stay in a very lonely place for many years.
knowing what I know now, and looking back at the entire situation, I would have handled things so differently!
I am still recovering , but I am so much better mentally and emotionally, and thank God, who made this possible.
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So he didn't understand, but he still treated you well, you were his wife.
My situation is gag-worthy. I couldn't hide my MD situation from anybody, because I am neurodivergent, so my quirky body language gave it off. Since I was a young child, people first picked up that I don't listen up, and I don't respond, and I'm not with it. So they clearly saw I don't pay attention, then they saw my wondering eyes, and figured I'm not here. They reactions were usually very unpleasant, like they'd suddenly snap, shake up and shout really loud. Like they thought I was a stupid idiot. They'd call out, Hello Jessica!! It's just, my mom put me in all these programs and school curriculums where I was around unrelated people who didn't know me from atoms apple. Of course, I didn't know I had MD until I was 30.
Things didn't get better in adulthood. I have a very unstable work history, because of my failure to communicate and be people-facing, and be a daydreamer, so I never had a permanent career. My family knows that I'm not always in the present, and they don't give me an easy time about it. I've lost friends and relationship opportunities probably due to low self-esteem and going off somewhere.
Currently I'm rebuilding my life, and discovering who I am and what I want. I'm planning to return to college, and struggling to find work.
I'm not sure if I'll ever get married, but maybe a long-term partner would be enough.
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I know, it's actually kind of sad. I think I ruined my life being an MD'er—while it told me it would get better.
I wonder if I never went into relationships, even marriage, all because of this. It's like I shot myself in the toot.
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I know what it feels like to be in your shoes. We hold a special gift and like to invision ideas in our heads, but to everyone else, its like we're from outer space. They get disgruntled that we are not with them, and wonder why. They even assume we have no clue what goes on around us, because of my mental absense. Frankly, it made me a very lonely and cut out person. People regularly like to be in the present and be on the same page as others. Fine, that's their preference and what they consider to be normal. People just like to live on the planet earth and know what's going on in the world.
I live with my family, and they are always talking, having conversations and catching on with dialogues in movies, making comments every minute about whats happening with the characters, even read their body language, emotions, and motives. I feel like an idiot, because I find it not easy to do this, and they have to explain for me. I might as well not be watching. Even at the dinner table, they strike up conversations, which many consider normal, but I don't put my heart on the table, because I'm either thinking, preoccupied with my delicious meal, not feeling chatty, or I just hate being at the dinner table. You can say I'm a real introvert, and I've never been a very expressive person. People have mistaken me for being tired. I guess over the years, I spent so much time in my head, and didn't learn to get out of it. Honestly, I had terrible problems making friends this way, and my family can't help me, because I just don't talk that much.
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