Stuck in the same Cycle.

[InaBox]

I have been daydreaming for a very long time. It wasn't so bad when I was in school because I could throw myself into homework and projects. But once I graduated from college, it got out of control. I imagined right after I graduated, that I would be discovered and nurtured by a mentor and become successful. I didn't know what I wanted to do and I didn't do anything but wait, and daydream and imagined something better would come along. I applied this principle to my relationships and friendships.

I knew something was wrong with me, but I thought I was the only one. The problem is that I can’t tell anyone, because, who would understand?

I am 33 years old now, I have been divorced twice, and I still live at home with my mom. I have depression, anxiety and social anxiety. I made a lot of mistakes because I expected the end results to be like my daydreams but it always turns out the opposite. My romantic relationships has been terrible, and to escape I daydream.

I never was able to hold a stable job because either the job didn’t turn out the way I imagined it to be, or its just too hard for me to focus because I daydream. As a result, I make a lot of mistakes.

I daydream about having lots of friends and having the perfect life but I don’t actively try to maintain my friendships, so I barely have any friends.

The fact that I start daydreaming 5 minutes into learning something for either a professional certification or for work. 

I daydream as soon as I wake up, throughout the day and while falling asleep.

Sometimes I even start daydreaming in the middle of a conversation.

After being unemployed for 10 years I finally found a part time work from home job. And guess what? I’d rather daydream than learn. 

I am not sure how to break out of this cycle and how to get my life together.

I ended up here because I googled how to stop daydreaming because I realized it’s time to do something about it. This cannot go on. I do not want to feel so stuck in my head anymore. And I want to be able to take care of myself and not rely on my elderly mother. 

[Jessica Ballantyne]

I used to be entitled, so I daydreamed about things I really wanted. Now I realize that I had to make it all happen the hard way. Fantasies are fantasies, but reality is a totally different matter. I've faced years of experience to understand that. 

[InaBox]

Thank you everyone for replying. I'm glad to know that I am not alone. While it is hard for me to stop daydreaming, I have started to do a few things to start getting my life back on track. 

1. Set a timer and force myself to do what I need to do within this time. Usually I have to work for 1 hour before I daydream. Then I give myself an hour before I go back to reality. 

2. Started being a little more active. I set a goal to run for 30 minutes or walk at a faster pace for 1 hour on the treadmill. Being on the treadmill forces me to concentrate because I have a fear of falling and walking faster forces me to pay attention. (As opposed to walking outside where I can fully escape into fantasyland).

3. I started telling my closest friend that I have MDD and I tell her what I daydream about out loud, which makes me realize how cringy I sound. 

4. I am trying to look for a therapist that is familiar with MDD but I have no luck. My current therapist just says that I sound entitled. 

I want my daydreams to turn into reality badly, and I still go back to it, but at least now I know I am doing it, and I am actively trying to improve upon it. These are small steps, but they are big steps to me. 

[Jessica Ballantyne]

This is what I used to do. Fantasize that I do have an extraordinary life worth living. In spite, the current one I have is a head shaker. I realize that I could've done so much better, if I woken up to life and focused on what's going on around me. But no, I wanted to dwell on the imaginary adventures and stories in my head, which basically distracted me from living better. I actually believed that MD would manifest my future someday! I was totally wrong. 

[Deep blue]

Hii, look I might not be as experienced as you but lately I have realised a lot about my MD . 

these are my observations :

1) If I am not good at studies, I will simply sit down in my room and imagine myself being the topper of my class and impressing everyone with my grades.

2)If I am single then my brain would try to find a reason for it. And I would come up with something like  : I am ugly, I am not good at anything (no special skills) , I don't have a good personality that could attract others, I don't have a good sense of humor, I can't strike proper conversations and people tend to get bored with me. So what will I do in this condition ? I will daydream that I am a 'cool' person , an all rounder, I can start an interesting conversation with anyone. Everyone gets impressed with everything I do and so I easily find a perfect person who loves me a lot and also have have a lot of friend who find me very 'cool'

3)If I am a failure at work then again I will imagine that I did all my projects well before deadline, I did my presentation so well that the boss is 'completely flattered' etc.

4) If I think my life is very boring then I will daydream of living a life full of adventures and my work is different from what others are doing, its unique. Huh, who wants to live a life like them.

cringy right?

Two points come out of it. 

1) Its about time that we accept ourself and get rid of all these insecurities. next time you find yourself drifting out into a fantasy of you being the most beautiful/ handsome person on this planet, stop yourself right there. And ask why? why do I want to change my looks? why do I want to look like someone else or have a personality like someone else. There's no need of it. I am happy that I atleast got a shot at this life. Who knows? I may not even have been born to see this world . But I did and that in itself is the biggest reason for me to be happy. I can see this world and sense everything in my surrounding. LIFE is flowing through me. I am not here to compare myself with others and have an inferiority complex. I am here to LIVE.

2) Whenever you see a dream, make sure its realistic it shouldn't be about superpowers or earning loads of money without moving your finger. straight away tell yourself " that's not possible so i will set a rational goal " that reduces a lot of trouble.

 I didn't expect it to turn out sooo childish but it did  ^◡^ 

[Jessica Ballantyne]

I never married and have very few friends. I used to have problems maintaining any relationship for long, and my jobs didn't ever last. I went to college, but I made very impractical decisions that didn't get me far. I'm pushing 35, and yet I still live with my mom and dad, which I think is unbelievable. I got my design degree, and really should've started a business, but somehow I felt discouraged to do this. I decided to work for other companies, but didn't last in any of them; they found I wasn't fast, communicative and professional. I struggled to be independent for the next 10 years, up to now. I feel so bad, because my dad wants to retire and my mom's on pension. It scares me that daydreaming has actually done this to me. My head also doesn't feel as young and sharp as it once was, because most times I was complacent and in "la te da" land, watching youtube podcasts and videos, rather than do intensive exercises. I started this MD stuff when I was 12, but now I regret it, in fact, I'm angry at myself for indulging in year of this stuff, not understanding the effects it can have, and not having told my parents about it early in the game. 

[alona]

hi!

the way you are describing things, it looks like you might need a little more help than an online forum can provide. MDD isn't a recognised condition, but that shouldn't stop a good therapist from helping you out. You can look for a therapist whom you are compatible with, and who are willing to listen to you (as some will strongly oppose the idea of MDD, or insist on misdiagnosing their clients.) You can read up on Dr. Somer's research, which you can refer potential therapists to as well (they may not even know what MDD is).

I wish you all the best and hope everything works out.

[Xyz]

Same I would rather daydream than learn, I have my finals coming up.
I love thoes daydream. But perhaps you like a think but it's bad for you and perhaps you dislike a think and it's good for you. God knows what's best for us. we all adore our daydreams but then it's bad for us.
Anything good in exessive is bad.