Wild Minds network
Maladaptive Daydreaming: where wild minds come to rest
Discovering MD story / Living in reality for the first time
(First post) As soon as I discovered MD on YouTube (on Dec. 21st 2023) and started paying attention to myself and catching my (music/pacing) habits, especially to AMV's (anime music videos). I had like this loooooong pause realization moment and was like "for ALL THESE YEARS........THIS IS WHAT IVE BEEN DOING???" At that very moment...........I knew I was going to tell my story somewhere on a forum, because just discovering the term "Maladaptive
Daydreaming"........simply changed my life. I slowly started to live more in the present/ reality. As far as my MD, im more of a musical type of Maladaptive Daydreamer, but I can relate to other people's stories of all the different types of MD experiences. For me my #1 biggest daydream trigger is music. (I have a feeling that at least 1 person is going to enjoy this post because I'm going in DEEP full throttle on my MD so get some popcorn)
In just a few months (date of posting 5/31/24) after watching all these MD videos/ podcast/ tiktoks/ youtube shorts. It's like everything looks soo different when your living in the present, my parents, my older sister, my freinds, my co-workers look soo different. When you become fully "aware" of your MD, your perception of everything may change in some type of way. I go back and watch movies and tv shows from back when I was fully living in my daydream world 24/7 and its like my favorite episode of "iCarly" looks like a different episode, it's still the same episode but my perception is different because im not coming up with daydream scenarios of me being in iCarly and then "acting it out" while watching it. It's only been a few months since I understood what this "thing" I kept doing in my brain all my life. I just turned 29 not to long ago so let's say over 20+ years worth of this habit I did in private for sooooo long. Now I can't unsee it, once you discover MD and then you catch yourself in the act for the first time (walking back and forth in your room to music).........you can "never" unsee it. So the last time I truly had an authentic maladaptive daydreaming episode was right before I came across my first MD youtube video. My social anxiety feels like it's melting away, I make eye contact now, social skills are getting better.
I never would of realized my "acting out" scenarios making facial expressions, or that I can't pay attention to real life because the fantasy world in my head was soooooo comforting. Being obsessed with (AMV's) anime music videos replaying my favorite part over and over again to fall in line with my daydream. I remember when I was in the 4th grade restarting the Kingdom Hearts 2 game over and over to re-watch the music video "Sanctuary" intro because it was giving me this intense comforting feeling in my head (aka MD). As I got older I had no understanding what this "feeling" in my head was.
Looking back.....MD was preventing the "development" I needed in my life. Heres a real life example: Im about to ship out for U.S. Army bootcamp..........I couldnt progress in the "real world" because I was stuck in my parents house daydreaming 24/7. It was like I opened my eyes for the first time. All of these changes (in a couple of months) happened in my life simply because I discovered MD. Since December 21st 2023 I literally started living in reality for the first time, it felt soo weird at first because everything looks soo different (after tons of MD videos, shout out to Eli Somer) "SomerClinic" youtube channel 😉 . I'm soo used to having a music video playing in the back of my head ALL THE TIME. I know this post may be stupid looong but I had to let this out somewhere because I wish I discovered MD years ago. I like going back in time and looking at old family photos/videos of myself and can easily understand why I was "acting" like this or why I "looked" like this, I was constantly living in a daydream world with no realization with what I was doing in my head (It was just something that felt sooo good and soothing). I still have my episodes of MD (can't help it, even now knowing what it is it still feels sooo freakin good) even today but it's less often and Im fully aware on whats going on. My goal is to reduce this habit to where I can almost control when I daydream. Everything now makes soo much more sense, but back then........I had no clue, now I'm understanding myself more and more everyday. I may do more post going in DEEP into specific MD senerios/experiences because when I watch these MD testimony youtube videos it's like the person in the video is explaining what I'm doing in my brain, I'm like "that's EXACTLY DOWN TO THE DETAIL what happens in my head". Anyways hope everyone who read this has a great day 😉
Daydreaming"........simply changed my life. I slowly started to live more in the present/ reality. As far as my MD, im more of a musical type of Maladaptive Daydreamer, but I can relate to other people's stories of all the different types of MD experiences. For me my #1 biggest daydream trigger is music. (I have a feeling that at least 1 person is going to enjoy this post because I'm going in DEEP full throttle on my MD so get some popcorn)
In just a few months (date of posting 5/31/24) after watching all these MD videos/ podcast/ tiktoks/ youtube shorts. It's like everything looks soo different when your living in the present, my parents, my older sister, my freinds, my co-workers look soo different. When you become fully "aware" of your MD, your perception of everything may change in some type of way. I go back and watch movies and tv shows from back when I was fully living in my daydream world 24/7 and its like my favorite episode of "iCarly" looks like a different episode, it's still the same episode but my perception is different because im not coming up with daydream scenarios of me being in iCarly and then "acting it out" while watching it. It's only been a few months since I understood what this "thing" I kept doing in my brain all my life. I just turned 29 not to long ago so let's say over 20+ years worth of this habit I did in private for sooooo long. Now I can't unsee it, once you discover MD and then you catch yourself in the act for the first time (walking back and forth in your room to music).........you can "never" unsee it. So the last time I truly had an authentic maladaptive daydreaming episode was right before I came across my first MD youtube video. My social anxiety feels like it's melting away, I make eye contact now, social skills are getting better.
I never would of realized my "acting out" scenarios making facial expressions, or that I can't pay attention to real life because the fantasy world in my head was soooooo comforting. Being obsessed with (AMV's) anime music videos replaying my favorite part over and over again to fall in line with my daydream. I remember when I was in the 4th grade restarting the Kingdom Hearts 2 game over and over to re-watch the music video "Sanctuary" intro because it was giving me this intense comforting feeling in my head (aka MD). As I got older I had no understanding what this "feeling" in my head was.
Looking back.....MD was preventing the "development" I needed in my life. Heres a real life example: Im about to ship out for U.S. Army bootcamp..........I couldnt progress in the "real world" because I was stuck in my parents house daydreaming 24/7. It was like I opened my eyes for the first time. All of these changes (in a couple of months) happened in my life simply because I discovered MD. Since December 21st 2023 I literally started living in reality for the first time, it felt soo weird at first because everything looks soo different (after tons of MD videos, shout out to Eli Somer) "SomerClinic" youtube channel 😉 . I'm soo used to having a music video playing in the back of my head ALL THE TIME. I know this post may be stupid looong but I had to let this out somewhere because I wish I discovered MD years ago. I like going back in time and looking at old family photos/videos of myself and can easily understand why I was "acting" like this or why I "looked" like this, I was constantly living in a daydream world with no realization with what I was doing in my head (It was just something that felt sooo good and soothing). I still have my episodes of MD (can't help it, even now knowing what it is it still feels sooo freakin good) even today but it's less often and Im fully aware on whats going on. My goal is to reduce this habit to where I can almost control when I daydream. Everything now makes soo much more sense, but back then........I had no clue, now I'm understanding myself more and more everyday. I may do more post going in DEEP into specific MD senerios/experiences because when I watch these MD testimony youtube videos it's like the person in the video is explaining what I'm doing in my brain, I'm like "that's EXACTLY DOWN TO THE DETAIL what happens in my head". Anyways hope everyone who read this has a great day 😉
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Comment by Mils on June 5, 2024 at 5:22pm
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No way, I had such a similar experience! I always thought I was so weird and that I was the only one, but finding out what I do has a name and supportive communities changed so much for me. Also yeah, music (especially music videos and shows/anime) is such a big trigger. It's so annoying to slip up and MD, but yeah it feels so good to actually do it. Welcome to Wild Minds btw :)
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