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Maladaptive Daydreaming: where wild minds come to rest

Yo-yo Effect

Lately, I've entered into a form of emotional yoyo-ing. I'm functioning in a perpetual state of self-loathing, yet hyper-excitable moods that are sort of coupled with depersonalization and a complete lack of balance. I'm really anxious and my heart rate is super high and pounding, but I still feel sort of fine. I think this is mainly from hormone shifts (damn them!). At times like this , though, I'm particularly connected with my daydreams. I wish I were a better writer, or artist, so that I could ground my daydreams a bit. If you want to envision it as a "mental wall" between the real world and my daydreams, the wall has taken a severe fortification beating. It's like that feeling when you have a "word on the tip of your tongue" and you're so close to it, and yet so far; that's what my daydreaming feels like at times like this. I'm definitely a lot more in my dream world, but not enough for it to be satisfying, if that makes sense. I imagine it's like coming off of a drug, where you can just sort of feel it, but the lack of actuality is enough to drive you mad. Maybe the whole world is just crazy.

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Comment by BilboBaggins on January 22, 2012 at 10:24pm: I'm sorry to hear that, Elizabeth. I hope you feel better!

Comment by Elizabeth on January 22, 2012 at 3:10pm: I think I understand a little of what you're going through.. One day I was very involved and got a lot done and was exhausted when the day was over. But, when I tried to DD I couldn't get into it. I have been switching and kind of forming a new one but I can't get it right and it is SO FRUSTRATING. In actuality, I'm getting what I want by not able to fully enter into that world and the euphoria, but I want to. It makes no sense. Its like it was lessening but I didn't want it to, but I do at the same time. ??? Now I'm confusing myself. I don't want to give it up, but I should, but I get anxious when I can't. Yeah.. just like coming off a drug I guess.

Comment by greyartist on January 20, 2012 at 1:42pm: I can relate to the hormone shifts, and I agree, damn them! I am struggleing with my wall as well, trying to stay grounded in reality, at least long enough to get through the work day.

Comment by littleschrodinger'scat on January 19, 2012 at 5:04pm: This sounds exactly like what I go through (other than the self-loathing). I really like how you descibed it ("It's like that feeling when you have a "word on the tip of your tongue" and you're so close to it, and yet so far; ").