Why the wardrobe?

[Pause, Replay]

I sometimes don't realise that I'm dreaming. The other day I found myself staring at the wardrobe with one sock on and the other in my hand. I must have been there for about 15 minutes. I only snapped out of it because there was a noise in the house. Later I was thinking I should get a grip on my MD and in the same minute thought of a new plot! I have to laugh at myself but sometimes it's not funny.

[Jessica Ballantyne]

After living in my house for 29 years, for the first time ever, I come to realize that I lived in my own world. There were so many hidden meanings behind certain events and other people's behaviour that I never fully understood or saw at all, because most times I was living in my head. There were very good reasons as to why I had trouble in relationships and financially successful. It comes down to being irrational towards life, that being said, your so buried in your daydreams, it creates a belief system that fogs our perception to the laws of reality and how things properly come into fruition. If I had understood everybody's complaints and criticisms beforehand, and learned not to act the way I have, I probably would've had much better turn outs in future. 

When I was kid, my mom made a mistake of spoiling and pampering me, instead of teaching me responsibility. When I got older, I was in trouble, because I didn't have great work ethic and had trouble communicating with others, but also I was a big space cadet, who couldn't seem to keep my feet on the ground. Some people found me a zoner that way. Others thought I had serious issues. These days I work remotely at home, instead of onsite, because at least I don't have to deal with people. 

Another important thing is that I was diagnosed with Asperger syndrome, but had a very imaginative gift that engulfed my sense of awareness to my real surrounding environment. I can't count how many years people have found me deaf and not with it. I always thought that I was Ok on the inside, as I was a bright and healthy kid, but to others their views of me really varied. I was often mistaken as stupid, because I didn't talk so much, was slow at learning, very clumsy and didn't act accordingly to people's expectations. Overall, I had problems with social interactions, so making friends was a life long struggle. So I used my alternative worlds as way to stay happy and positive in times that friends were not present. Regards, it got out of control, and actually effected where my life was heading. 

I have quit maladaptive daydreaming and it slowed to a stop in my thirties. But still, my family constantly can tell how much I freeze up and stare into space for minutes, even an hour. It still effects my performance and learning, so I have to shake myself out of it every moment. When my mom talks to me, she always asks if I'm listening and if I'm with it. I get frustrated, because it's not like my mind is miles away, but my eyes have this fixed wandering look to them. So she can never tell, but whenever she talks to me, she always stops with an "are you here" commentary and sometimes waves her hand. And honestly, I wish that I never went near MD, because it hasn't occurred to me that my face can't make it inexplicable. 

[Valeria Franco]

That made me remember the moments when I thought of a new plot and I couldn't dream it immediately for whatever reason...

I grew so impatient, I was looking forward to being alone, snuggling into my bed and finally savour my brand new plot. Thinking about it, it sounds so irrational.

Not funny, definitely. That's why we are here, sharing, talking.