Too Good to be True, and Too Bad to be Fake

[Staaph]

It is 2:39 AM and I am not asleep in my bed. In fact, I am nowhere near my bed. As I type this, I am sitting near a crystal clear creek in a small wooded area. The air is cold and damp, and I only have on a t-shirt and pajamas.
What am I doing out here? Well, at home, my mind started to wander. So I guess my brain decided that my body should follow suit. So I crept out of my house without disturbing any family members (I swear, if I wasn't so antisocial and I had friends, I would be fantastic at sneaking out to parties).
Which of course, brought me to here. Out in the night, blogging. Despite the cold air, it's beautiful out here. There's a relative silence everywhere. Stars in the sky peek through the dying leaves. The moon is full, and my heart feels light. Everything is perfect in its undying innocence.

Oh how I wish what I've typed was true. The place I have talked about does not exist. Or at least not how I've described it. There is a wooded area, yes, but it has no creek. Only a muddy trickle of sludge, and the floor is covered in cigarette butts, broken bottles, and the occasional dead animal.
But I am not there at the moment either. That would mean having to leave my house at night. I don't have the guts to do that, even if I was able to. In reality, (cruel, relentless reality) I sit in my room in the dark, daydreaming. Or I suppose at this time, it'd be nightdreaming.
I know I should get some rest. I really do. I just simply...can't. Because once I set down my phone and close my eyes, I will be sucked into and wrapped up in my thoughts. And I will lay there, unmoving, yet concious and fully aware, until morning.
But, it is sort of odd to be afraid of your own mind. I'm always using my mind for things 24/7. And if I'm afraid of it, I'll want to avoid it. But I can't avoid my mind. That's silly. I can't be scared to think all the time. Because then nothing will ever get done. So, maybe I should just lay down, shut up, stop overthinking, and just go to freaking sleep.

[Roel]

I've got simular feelings about my own mind, and it also used to keep me awake at night. I managed to solve it by making a routine in which I watch videos on my sellphone while laying in bed. My mind gets "distracted" by the videos I watch, and because of that I am able to get tired. Whene I'm tired enough, I lay the sellphone away and I usually fall asleep. If I simply become awake again I repeat it. I know this sounds weird, but it works for me. Watching tv or videos is pretty much the most mindless activity I can do and it is the only way I know of "shutting down my brain".

You're indeed a good writer. I'm a writer too, but I write in dutch/flemish and my english writing sucks. Don't worry about whether ot not what you post is good or not, I appreciate it anyways ;) this was beautiful, do it again some time :D

[Staaph]

Glad you liked it. It's nice to have an audience(asides from the company of myself) that can sympathize with me.

[Bee]

You've summed up how I feel tonight perfectly...

I agree with Richard - an awesome piece of writing. Almost Joycean in nature. I'm always balled over when a fellow MDer is able to define what their MD is making them feel. How thoughts are moving through their minds. I've never able to put it into words.

(Sorry for the late reply.)

[Staaph]

Thanks Richard! I was actually contemplating not posting it because I wasn't sure it was any good.

[Richard Quest]

This is a beautiful piece of writing!