Maladaptive Daydreaming: where wild minds come to rest
I have a fantasy (amongst others) about this beautiful, strong, succesful woman, largely representing my personality in her verbal behavior but much more lucky when it comes to genetic material...I call her Juno. So why is she female? And what does she mean to me? Reasons I can think of:
1. Wanting to be complete
So she is not male. What psycho-analists call the anima, if you will?
A simple desire for overwhelming images. I have my house filled with visually exciting depictions of women (I don't mean pr0n, lol), heroines from RPG video games and such. I like to identify with this strong, proud, beautiful woman in my head, Juno...because I do not possess those qualities perhaps. The beauty of this woman is unequalled, tall, athletic, half asian half white, dark fiery eyes...
3. The superhero fantasy
You feel powerless but transforming into the superhero empowers you, thinking you could change the world, if only you were...
4. Mental masturbation
Sexually, I have a desire to be overwhelmed, pretty much like my own imagination can overwhelm me, or a game, a movie. To be completely sucked into something (not too literally) pleases me. I don't have sexual fantasies about Juno. But thinking about her and how she thinks and feels and identifying with it...may be psychological porno?
Maybe partially the vanity...but she is famous and therefore has access to millions, listening or watching. I don't care about fame, I would hate it. But there are benefits, like she can talk to the media and say profound or funny things that I would say. Juno is however less ambitious when it comes to endeavours closer to me, such as making music (which I do). But again, fame (through her illustrious sports career) gives access to a large audience, also when blogging like I'm doing now.
6. Emotional compensation
Juno feels what I would feel but more strongly and does things admirably that I find interesting of course, things I would like to be good at, or am good at. The biggest difference between me and Juno is that when it comes to sports, she has this fire, she will do whatever it takes to achieve her goal. I am not half that ambitious and have always wanted a laid back life for myself. I'm jealous at Juno's many attributes, but perhaps mostly her intensity. I for instance fantasize about her playing tennis in a heated, thrilling match, barely winning, only on mental strength. Or as a basketball player, at center position.
7. Physical compensation
She is 6 ft. 5 and extremely athletic (with thin but strong muscles)...I am 6 foot 4 with skinny body type plus some (not too much) fat on the wrong places. I make sure I have enough movement by cycling and walking and stay in shape somewhat. But she is the warrior that I am not. I should maybe practice sport more but at the same time find it VERY boring or too aggressive. Maybe it's not so much the physical act of actually doing sport but the intensity and focus of it that appeals to me and that I cannot find IRL.
I have played basketball for a while and found myself:
-annoyed by the violence and aggression;
-disencouraged by the fanaticism of other players and the negativitiy that comes with that (making a mistake, missing a layup spelled loser and caused negative remarks);
-physically totally inadequate despite my height and shooting skills, players would push me over and seize rebounds, I'd get slightly better at it but still;
-bored at times in the gym, I could not relate to the other guys;
-mentally not capable enough to concentrate and have enough court awareness.
I did not enjoy the trainings or the competition, I was so glad I quit it finally. I also had this ankle injury that has worsened my ability to run fast. I stopped watching NBA matches too, a long time ago.
But Juno is still there, kicking ass...besides the fire, the satisfaction of lust for battle, I see her also as sort of an artist, performing poetry in motion. It's kind of the Ares archetype, the Greek god of war (also a good dancer). It seems I fantasize about this aspect because I have neglected this part of my life. Some would compensate by simply watching sports, I like my fantasy more and more it seems and they take much less time than sports games.
The superheroine fantasy is quite common in comics, games and more and more in movies. It satisfies the visual needs for boys and men and the need for aggression, it's a two in one, beauty and deadliness.
It seems to me that each fantasy character embodies something we would like to be, if only we could, making us more complete. I think it's OK that some things stay a fantasy but if a fantasy comes back a lot, all the time, it's probably something you should consider doing and working on.
Should I do sports again? The positives do not outweigh the many negatives for me. With Juno, I can just enjoy the positives, without the hard work and the hardships.