Maladaptive Daydreaming: where wild minds come to rest
Hello I`m Sara. Most of you probably dont know me because Im new and I do not post blogs but this is something I really wanted to share.
This girl that I know, more like an acquiescence , friend of a friend. You know what I mean. Well she`s gunna move so a lot of people from my grade made a little video for her. So we all showed the video after school to her. I wasn`t a part of the video cause I was absent in school. But I wanted to go because I felt obligated to since the girl is a nice person and she has tried to reach out to be many times before. But honestly I did not want to go at all. I get really anxious during social situations and often feel like shit afterwards. Anyways, I went and when we were watching the video, most of the girls were crying. I just sat there, no emotion, no feelings, nothing. I wasn`t even sad. I just didn`t feel anything. I only felt sad about the fact that everyone is so close; close enough to consider each other family. And I`m just there. I felt like I wasted my child hood, always trynna avoid social situations, friends and everything. Now even though I have friends, I cant think of one memory where I had a good time or a time when I wasnt anxious. Well I had experienced bullying and I feel as if that was the point from where I had so much social anxiety. I feel as if even if my best friend moves away, I wouldn`t feel anything. There were so many times in my life where I remember asking myself why dont I feel anything when I should be sad. And sometimes I feel as if the only things that bring me pleasure anymore, is DDing, or anything triggering my DDs like my movies and tv shows. Has any of you ever felt the same way?