so there is a name for this "thing" that I do..... my story and expereinces of maladative daydreaming

[gareth oliver]

So, there is a name for this “thing” that I do “Maladaptive Daydreaming” I am wondering if it is a new “diagnoses” as I remember researching it in the past and not being able to find anything. I have even spoke to Drs and Physiatrists about it before and they have not really know what to say or do about it and defiantly not put a name to it or said it is something that lots of people seem to do. How do I feel about it having a semi- official title? Positive and negative I suppose, Positive in that it is good to know other people have similar issues and negative in that it is yet another label I have to live under like “ clinical depression” “ general anxiety disorder” and “ traits of an emotionally unstable personality disorder”

 There are things from my past which I have repressed, my dad had severe mental health problems and killed himself when I was ten so I cannot remember a lot about my childhood so find it difficult to pinpoint a time when this behaviour started but it around the same sort of time and to me the most obvious cause seems his death and not dealing with it at the time, at this point I had not seen him for a few years anyway so didn’t know how to deal with it and could not talk to my mum about it.

The first thing I remember is being in my nana and granddad back garden and making up stories in my head about a fantasy world I would be in, I would be the “ hero” and would rescue people, my granddad had a spare walking stick and I would use this as a “ device” to separate myself from the real world. The strangest thing about the MD to me had always been that I use objects when I do it to disconnect myself, this seemed VERRY strange to me.  I remember this being my escape, being frustrated when I wasn’t able to do it and it being something I wanted to do on my own and got frustrated if anyone asked me about it or wanted to join in.

 After that I remember the object changing to nut crackers and/or coat hangers. I would turn them round as I was in my various fantasy worlds and although I could still daydream without them they seemed to make the experience more enjoyable and seem more solid.

 This behaviour lasted all the way through primary school, secondary school and up until the present time now I am at university.

It has defiantly affected my life negatively, it had caused me to isolate myself and live in a fantasy world rather than get on with real life.

I have recurrent depression and one of the symptoms, or I guess you could call it coping mechanisms, is this maladaptive daydreaming. It comes hand in hand with these depressive episodes which affect my eating, sleeping, motivation and socialisation anyway so the maladaptive daydreaming gives me a way to occupy my time and create a world where I am not depressed, where I am in control and where I am where I want to be. As I got into my teens I was worried I might be developing  schizophrenia or something similar but now know that I wasn’t, I have never shown any symptoms of psychosis, I have always know my fantasy worlds where fantasy, not to say that makes them any less significant or distracting.

Ever since I have had this condition I have tried to control it, when I am not in an episode of depression ( which up until now is roughly about half the year) I would say the daydreaming is not a significant issue, if I find myself doing it to an extreme I can stop, I don’t use objects when doing and write things down like I do in extreme episodes and it doesn’t interfere with my life significantly, but as soon as things start going wrong and things aren’t good in my life that is when I start doing it a lot, I will visualise myself doing really well in the career I want to be in, or someone who is really popular.

 It is as if I have two sides to myself, and I see the maladaptive daydreaming as part of the bad side and something that I need to control, I am thinking of trying to turn it into a positive thing, I enjoy writing and want to try and do some sort of creative writing, using my over-stretched imagination. 

 So, thanks for reading this, I am interested in any comments from anyone, particularly what anyone thinks about controlling  maladaptive daydreaming or if it is something that can be moderated and am also interested to hear from people who use maladaptive daydreaming as a coping symptom of depression and/or anxiety.

 

[Cordellia Amethyste Rose]

It is definitely a real thing, but it is not an official disorder yet, as that takes many years.  Most doctors don't know about it yet, which means it's up to us to educate them.  I don't see it as a good thing or a bad thing.  It's simply how we are.  It has positive and negative side effects.  It has been studied by real doctors and is being studied again by a real doctor.  You're not alone.  We're here to support you.