Should I Tell Him?

[Rae Bradford]

So I have been wondering this for a few days now.  My boyfriend and I are pretty serious and we made a vow to each other a little while ago never to keep major secrets because he found out he had diabetes, and didn't tell me because he didn't want me to worry.  So now, I'm debating whether or not I should tell him about MD.  I'm afraid if I tell him, he won't understand, but part of me feels like he would at least try to understand.  What would you do?

[Floris]

Tell him you day dream, but you don't have to tell him every detail of your fantasy life. If he has all sorts of kinky fantasies he's not gonna share either. That is OK. Just let him understand that you sometimes have difficulty concentrating, or how it affects your life otherwise (good and bad). Ask him to not be judgmental.

To mention MD, suddenly this clinical label comes up...it is quite a step further. Have you been diagnosed as such or do you just think you're an MD? It may depend on how your attitude towards MD is, how your friend responds: is it a severe struggle, can he help you, what is his place in it all? He may feel left out or that you need to solve your problems first like with a depression, because it's really hard for the other one, not just the depressed one, to deal with.

[Charlotte]

Rae, I have not told mine nor do I intend to. Pretty much for the reasons others give below - I don't think he would understand, it might hurt him (he could think that somehow our life - and him - aren't good enough for me so that's why I've made up another one, and quite frankly I'd be humilated. I've told my therapist in the past few months about the daydreaming but I'm struggling to tell her the details. I feel like I need to if I'm going to get over this but I don't think I could ever talk about it with my husband like I do her.

[greyartist]

I hope it goes well. If I had MD when I first meet my husband I may have told him. But now, after 17 yrs I don't think it's a good idea. Funny, I just did a radio show yesterday on this very topic. All the research I did says that the people closest to you should know so they can be your support group. BUT, how much they know is up to debate. I tell my husband about the depression and anxiety that comes from my MD, but I don't tell him about the MD.

[Rae Bradford]

Thank you all for helping me with this.  I've decided to talk it through with him.  I'm going to tell him about it without going into detail, then tell him that I have decided to get help with it.  I hope he'll understand.  Again, thank you. 

[Teagan Heart]

Hey, Rae, have you ever thought about getting rid of it so that way you don't have to break the news to him?

[Paracosm]

Well, I admit that I have no clue when it comes to any sort of relationship, but if I had a boyfriend, I'd definitely tell him about my MD. I wouldn't want to hold back any part of me. If somebody's going to love me, they've got to love EVERYTHING about me. My MD is part of me now, and if somebody didn't love me just because I told them about one of my weird quirks, I think I would question whether they loved me in the first place. It's my opinion that if you both made a vow to not keep secrets, then it would only be fair to not keep secrets. It's not like MD is evil, lol. And like Andromeda said, if he loves you, even if he can't comprehend MD, I'm sure he'd try to understand, right?

I haven't told my parents about my MD for the same reason you haven't told anyone: I'm embarrassed. But in the case of a boyfriend, I think I would feel different. Nobody needs to tell their parents EVERYTHING, because parents usually have a way (at least mine do) of bugging their eyes out, panicking, overreacting, and over-worrying about the smallest things, and meanwhile, you're sitting there wishing you have never spoken a word. I've always felt that in the case of a boyfriend or husband, nothing should be a secret. This belief probably stems from my unrealistic ideal of the ideal friend: the one you can tell anything and they love you all the more for it. Oh well... I have sky high standards.

Just my two cents.

[Rae Bradford]

@Andromeda   I am embarrassed to tell him.  I'm afraid that if I tell him, he'll never look at me the same.  It's the same reason I haven't told anyone else.  It's terrifying to think that if I tell someone, they'll just write me off like I'm some psycho with a mental problem who belongs in the mental ward of the hospital.

[Andromeda]

I personally believe you should tell him, because MD is a huge part of you and your significant other has to know. I'm sure that if he loves you he'd try to understand and possibly look for solutions with you.
Are you afraid of him not understanding, or are you embarrassed to tell him?