self esteeem and daydreaming

[Tan]

It’s been a long journey , I was a child who was really compared a lot , for the smallest of things , that really shook my self esteem to pieces but yeah the accountability is on me because they did what they did . I was a good student I wouldn’t come first but I wasn’t even average cut to md enters my life , a lot of my daydreams where initially men adoring me , me getting married I would picture myself as someone extremely gorgeous and tall, because somehow my parents had lots of issues w my height which caused me to be insecure , so much that a lot of times I would raise my feet to appear taller. Anyways , then obviously a setback came and I always felt if I had a boyfriend he would help me and somehow once I start dating magically everything will be fine . I dated one boy obviously it would be me just crying to him and complaining about the smallest of things . There are also a lot of fantasies I have about proving myself to people like I perform or they see that I’m successful have a good boyfriend look pretty and they get impressed. Whenever like I minutely like someone I feel like I should show my different personality or like my daydream self to him so he’s impressed and he starts liking me . I really don’t know why this happens

however this network is really solution oriented and I like that about it, if anybody can help decide why this happens pls do thank youuuuu

[Tan]

Yeah it’s just avoidance , like I would always feel well if I a boy comes in my life I’ll be sorted all my insecurities will go away but I have realised it’s like giving up my power and for what , nobody is going to make me feel okay with myself until I feel okay . He ,might love to bits but until I put in the work, it’s just escaping because things aren’t my way and I have to get uncomfortable. I really hate being uncomfortable better someone else do it for me and magically everything changes but that’s not how life works , you will have to get uncomfortable today to live a better tomorrow. People aren’t going to make me the centre of attention but I have to teach myself of how to deal w it everything I feel lonely or less important

[Yukia]

Weird to see you say you don't know why this happens after you yourself have described low self-esteem basically. Anyway this is why this happens.

[Jessica Ballantyne]

I strongly relate to these points. I didn't fit in, wasn't appreciated or liked by others, and was treated like I wasn't wanted anywhere. Even my family sometimes treats me like I have a lot of issues that need improvement. I have a bucket list. Since I was a kid, MD eased my pain and frustration of not getting what I wanted from life. I am a very good looking, smart, and talented person. Only problem is I'm not socially interactive, can't read emotions and gestures, and tend to make people really mad at me without realizing. I found out later, in my adulthood, that I'm neurodivergent, which explains my life long social struggles. What I really should've done, instead of daydreaming about it, was take tactful actions to prevent the problems in future, and plan out how to make my life a better place. I didn't do this—instead I went into my head, yearning for all the things I wanted, by excessively going into other worlds. This went on for years and years, and now being a full blown adult, I regret not doing the correct things to prevent myself from going down that rabbit hole. Now I'm in an embarrassing situation. It comes to show, nobody is going to care, but you. 

[Deep blue]

I'm in the same boat. It used to be very embarrassing to admit. Specially the part where you want someone to come in your life and solve all your problems. But I know this comes from my insecurity. You do too. 

It hurts when no one seems to like you. My parents keep pointing out everything that's wrong with me. It made me so insecure. Like I felt sorry when I entered a room. I felt like the people inside will have to bear with me. I was always sorry for my presence. 

I know my parents did not want this. And it's very difficult to actually be good parents. Most of them mess up. Child psychology is not taken very seriously by people. 

But you are right that's on us for letting people make us feel this way. Took so much time to be unapologetic about my living condition. And I'm still trying to understand so many things. It's a long journey. And I'm going very slow. 

Because Md covered all that pain inside me. Like putting a carpet over it. If you don't see it you don't feel the pain but that also means you don't take any action. 

For taking action I have to lift up the carpet and there are a lot of suppressed feelings under it. 

I feel a lot of resistance while making any change. 

But again, if it was easy I would have done it long ago.