self esteeem and daydreaming

[Tan]

It’s been a long journey , I was a child who was really compared a lot , for the smallest of things , that really shook my self esteem to pieces but yeah the accountability is on me because they did what they did . I was a good student I wouldn’t come first but I wasn’t even average cut to md enters my life , a lot of my daydreams where initially men adoring me , me getting married I would picture myself as someone extremely gorgeous and tall, because somehow my parents had lots of issues w my height which caused me to be insecure , so much that a lot of times I would raise my feet to appear taller. Anyways , then obviously a setback came and I always felt if I had a boyfriend he would help me and somehow once I start dating magically everything will be fine . I dated one boy obviously it would be me just crying to him and complaining about the smallest of things . There are also a lot of fantasies I have about proving myself to people like I perform or they see that I’m successful have a good boyfriend look pretty and they get impressed. Whenever like I minutely like someone I feel like I should show my different personality or like my daydream self to him so he’s impressed and he starts liking me . I really don’t know why this happens

however this network is really solution oriented and I like that about it, if anybody can help decide why this happens pls do thank youuuuu

[Jessica Ballantyne]

Daydreaming made me feel "happy" as a kid. It got started when I was inspired at 12 by a science fiction documentary on comic books, films and Star Trek franchise. This encouraged me to watch a Star Trek episode, where I fell hard for a character. That's what planted a seed for MD to flourish. This followed with other movies and books creating more worlds. What I didn't wake up to realize is that it was going to put me into a difficult situation up the road. Eventually in my 20's, someone close to me reacted badly to my feather brained ways. My whole life changed after that, and my goals were all thwarted, so I didn't get far. I wound up stuck in a rut, surrounded by people who didn't trust my mental health, and could clearly see that my mind was someplace else. I was very sorry, but sorry just isn't enough. Something that was making me happy and giddy at first, was ultimately digging me a hole. If I kept my feet to the ground and my head out the clouds, and realized that I'm going to get quite uncomfortable, but live a better life, I would've been on the right track. I admit that I do deserve the wake up call I got, but I don't want the rest of my life to suffer the consequences to, all because of what someone else thinks. I believe that I deserve a second chance. 

[Tan]

@yukia thank you for the best perspective ever, this is precisely what I should have done was to get comfortable with being myself , genuinely thank you. Also have researched on codependency and seems like I might have certain traits not entirely though

[Yukia]

"Yeah I meant like to face reality I’ll have to be uncomfortable"

Oooooh do I object.

I see where you're coming from, so here's my opinion based on lived experience and common sense.

"To achieve more, you need to leave your comfort zone" is a popular quote that went totally out of control, in my opinion. Enthusiasts are spreading this message across everyone like butter, but people aren't a piece of bread. When the same statement is applied low self-esteem individuals like you, it's a fallacy and I will prove that.

First of all, the idea of getting uncomfortable in order to grow was coined by Alasdair White in 2009. White is a "management theorist best known for his work on performance management from a behavioral perspective and in the field of deconcentrated and networked organizations."

Moreover, White's work is merely a performance hypothesis. Not to devalue it or anything, but his theory leaves a lot of room for improvement and further research to refine the broadly used statement "to achieve high performance, you have to experience a certain amount of stress", which is legs that grew from the said theory.

I haven't mentioned how becoming uncomfortable relates to improving your quality of life because it simply doesn't. I only wanted to put it in front of you so you can see for yourself why I think this way. It originally meant to give a kick to corporate workers to test their skills and potentially raise their productivity, that is.

On the other hand, what makes you the most uncomfortable is yourself when you have low self-esteem. You can't face the reality – which is mostly uncomfortable, that's just universal truth – if you're not comfortable with who you are in the first place.

It's not that you can't do a task because it's seems too formidable, or that you can't confess to someone because you're afraid of rejection, or you don't want to go skiing for the first time and embarrass yourself when you fall. These might be solved by causing yourself some stress because it's about testing your performance – not yourself.

The best favor you can do for yourself in this situation is to get comfortable, actually. Because if you do it in reverse like you say, how do you envision the result? What's the defined goal? To be punished with more stress after living in stress, then hope that somehow it will make things better?

If I were you, I'd be doing the opposite and try to get comfortable. The more you're censoring yourself to impress others, the more wrong crowds you attract because you seem mediocre and convenient. In turn, this world is narcissistic and harsh. It will make you the lowest denominator if you fail to appreciate yourself.

All in all, before you jump headfirst into facing reality, work on your perception of yourself. You can keep trying to impress other people for as long as you like, and if that works for you then carry on, but if it keeps failing you, you should probably think about redefining your goals as a person.

"I must get uncomfortable" sounds bad for you, you won't be doing it for long. "I must get comfortable and accept that some people will find it uncomfortable" is the way to go, in my humble opinion.

P. S. There could be another issues I'm sensing, like codependency. I know nothing about this and can't provide comments.

[Jessica Ballantyne]

I feel that MD made me not appreciate people as much. I do want more love and affection coming my way, but I have to show someone that I care about them, what they have to say, and I'm very interested in them. If I don't, they figure I don't care and don't like them. MD took my attention away from them. 

[Tan]

I feel I care about people too much , i recently quit md and yesterday what triggered me was that someone showed me a little love like a relative and i instantly thought i should impress them more they should know what a great person i am and I cried later because I daydreamed and i dint want to and in that I realised i just want them to keep loving me and think good about me and somewhere I still have the feeling I need to impress to love . I think md just made me more distant I shad these problems probably and i still do I feel like if they think good of me they’ll love me . They actually help if you ask the right questions 

[Tan]

Yeah I meant like to face reality I’ll have to be uncomfortable 

[Jessica Ballantyne]

I understand what she means by getting uncomfortable to get better. I wish that I knew this as a young person, because maladaptive daydreaming made me comfortable and covered over the nasty sides of life that I just didn't want to face. Regards, MD did much more to me. It prevented me from adapting into the world properly, so I didn't really grow up. Now my younger sister and cousin speak in a language that I can't even comprehend. They are well informed and advanced in world events, politics and statistics, which I'm not. They read up on the news, which I don't. It makes me feel like such an idiot. Thing is, I ran away from that, because all I ever wanted to do was dream about the things that I want. However, weaving all these dreams in my head all day, just pulled me away from learning about the world around me. So when my family strikes up conversations at the dinner table about the world, I just don't know what to say. It's just so embarrassing, I nibble all quietly and listen. But it's true, I used to be such a self-absorbed person, and lived in my own world. Even all my peers, some of whom used to make fun of me for being socially awkward and unaware of my surrounding environment, they've been doing significant things out there for the past 20 years, which I haven't even started. So that's why I wish that I thought twice, before dwelling into "ridiculous" dreams that serve me no real purpose. 

I can't say how you guys feel about that. Has MD impacted your lives in a way? 

[Sakshee Dhumal]

Maybe by uncomfortable they meant that they have to leave the comfort and warmth of Md and face their reality. For getting out of a bad condition you have to struggle. 

Or I might have made wrong interpretation

[Jessica Ballantyne]

Yes, why exactly do you want to get uncomfortable?

[Yukia]

"it’s just escaping because things aren’t my way and I have to get uncomfortable."

Are you sure about that? Aren't you already uncomfortable because things aren't your away? What's the point of making yourself even more stressed out?