Where wild minds come to rest
I've started a new semester at college and I've been insanely stressed. I have more responsibilities now-I'm an editor at the newspaper and I'm involved in other clubs, plus I'm getting into the 300 level classes. I love everything I'm doing, it's just very stressful. I also have a job now. I work as a hostess at a restaurant and it's really hard, but it's bringing me out of my shell and forcing me to talk to people. It's so busy there, I barely have any time to daydream, though I do it a little bit. Anyway, I've been really depressed lately too and I've noticed an increase in my daydreaming. I'm writing right now because I couldn't stop myself from daydreaming and it reminded me of this site. My days are so filled and busy that locking myself in my room (though I don't have a real lock and I'm always worried that my parents will knock and come in) and dancing to hectic music while daydreaming is my escape. Unfortunately, it usually makes me very anxious, too. I stopped myself one night because I felt I was getting close to having a panic attack. I managed to calm down. I feel very out of touch with reality lately. I've also started writing again. I'm working on a novel and I wrote the entire summary out and had my friend and boyfriend read over it. I think it's really good and I'm looking forward to working on it, but it's also the reason I've been very anxious and daydreaming too much. I'm on a kind of writer's high as well, which feels great. I'm giddy and obsessed with my story and characters, but the story is very depressing and it impacts my life. I feel the way my characters feel. This whole book started out with me daydreaming about my life and then I decided to turn it into a real book. I'm not sure how to split up these worlds. When I catch myself daydreaming that I'm my characters, I let myself do it as long as it's not impacting anything negatively, but sometimes it does and it hurts to try and stop it.
I haven't talked to my therapist about all this yet. We went back to meeting every other week and it's going alright. We're working on other things, though. Mostly my anxiety about being sick, which I'm treating the same way I treated 9/11 and that worked. I'm also living home now, which is okay, but I tend to get stuck feeling like monsters are going to attack me. I'm 21 now. I shouldn't be afraid of monsters in the dark. Like, legitimately afraid. I also talked to my best friend about this and she experiences much of the same thing. We are both writers with similar personalities, but she seems to be okay with her daydreaming. She also dances in her room to music and spins sometimes to the point where she's worn away her socks. The difference between us is that her parents know and are okay with it. It could be why it bothers me more-because I'm always worried about my parents finding out.