So I said I was not going to talk much about my DD, I have to ask a question. I know this should go in the forum, but I am having trouble posting and I HAVE to get this out. 

I am in a relationship with this guy. Is it ok to daydream about us? I am worried that because we are so young we are going to split and my heart will be even more broken because I DD about us. Ok, we are not THAT young, like middle school, but pretty far along the path of teenage years. Will my heart be broken if I DD about us? Thanks. ;)

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Comment by Valkyrie on July 20, 2016 at 3:35pm

Ok thank you guys so much for all your help and support! I will definitely take it all in. :) 

Comment by Roel on July 20, 2016 at 2:51am

and sorry for the typo's :p

Comment by Roel on July 20, 2016 at 2:49am

Here's 2 facts:
1)Most people daydream about who they're in love with. Ask anyone.
2)Whene love fails it hurts like crap. I litterally don't know anything else that hurts more. It is legit the worst feeling satan ever thought of. Heartbreaks are the exact reverse of love and they feel like hell.

This is the case for all people. MDD or no MDD. I just wanted to put this out here. Of course pain will be worse depending on how much you valued your partner or your future before the break-up, and MDD can make you value aspects of it that don't even exist. So it can definetly make the pain worse. But my point is that the pain will be terrible anyways.

And if you ask "Will my heart be broken if I DD about us?". Then my answer will be that -asuming you guys will split- you will be heartbroken anyways. Even if you magicly got cured from MDD, it won't save you from that. There is no evading the sadness of a hearbreak. Some people always appear to be untouched by the end of a relationship but they usually just feel it a bit later, or longer, or all at once at a moment no one noticed. The pain is always there. Alwways. MDD or no MDD.

Surely some pain could be avoided by trying to regulate your daydreams. But to me it seems like MDD can make a heartbreak more heavy, as if it added the weight of an entire building to the mix. But a heartbreak initianally alwready feels like the weight an entire planet crashing down on top of you. You might even barely notice that few bricks difference. I consider a heartbreak to be an infinite amount of pain. Adding anything to infinity is still infitiy.

Now that we have established well that it hurts a lot, it's now time to start being a bit less scared. Fearing the relationship will split is a very rational fear and I think we all have it while in a relationship, especially a new one, or one you have high hopes for. A split might happen.

Also the world might explode one day as some magic space solare wave slices through the earth killing absolutely everyone that ever lived. The fear of that happening is more rational than you would think. But you still consider people that build underground bunkers for doomsday, to be nutheads. Why? because you can't live your life preparing for the absolute worst. It's no fun. It's not good for you mind. Instead enjoy our blue green world while it is still there.

So enjoy your relationship with the person you love and only start worrying about the future whene it's time for that. The intended future of a relationship is always to last, and it is the only thing you should prepare for. Imagine if you spend years in a relationship trying to dream as little as possible about your partner, in order to not be harmed  whene the break-up would happen.

Only the break-up never happened and all turned out fine.

I'm not saying that everything will be a happy ending, garanteed. But IT IS, the entire notion of being in a relationship. You start a relationship with someone because you think that -maybe someday it is possible that- you and that person will be able to live together, happily. Build towards a happy future, instead of making a bad future more bearable.

And still you can spend a long time preparing for a happy future to suddenly have it all taken away from you whene that split suddenly is there after all. And that will hurt as a vision of hell. Your chest will implode and you will cry tears untill your eyes stopped working. But what does it matter? Are you realy naïve enough to believe that you can ease the pain of a break up? Like I said: infity minus whatever, is still infinity. You cannot prevent the pain from a breakup.

If you realy don't want your relationship to be half composed of dreams, than the best way to not cling on to the imaginary is to stay close to the real thing instead. Your boyfriend is real. If you want to see him. If you want to talk to him. If you want to do something together; All you have to do is go to him. Ask him. Talk. It's very easy. There is no need anymore to dream of him, since now he's realy there for you. If you change your first reflex of daydreaming about him and the hypothetical future you'll have, to just going to him and playing out that future for real, you could maybe stop the extra pain that MDD can cause for break-ups for what it's worth. By being close to him you will learn how you two REALY are together RIGHTNOW in this moment. If you want to stop the illusions about what it could be, what it will be, or what it might be: just show yourself reality, show yourself what IT IS. The real deal.

Live together, don't dream together.

That all being said. Dreaming about having a life together with someone might just be the most normal thing in the world. You'll have all the time in the world to be dramatic about it whene the split actually happens, but before that moment is there I see no need to waste time worrying about it. In fact worrying about it will just make your time together less fun.

I think it's always better to learn how to stand back up, than to learn how not to fall. We will always fall anyways. Learning how not to fail is useless. Everyone fails frequently in their lives. Learning how to recover on the otherhand is what can save lives.

So think about how to ease the pain, at the moment whene you're actually in pain. In the time before that, let's not pretend we can write our own destiny.

I've needed 7 years to recover from a break-up. It was the split of a relationship that was indeed for the most part constructed out fo hypothetical futures we could have had in my head, while in reality it was nothing. And afterwards I always felt like if I would have just pulled my head out of my butt, I could have had the real thing instead of the dreams and after the break up I could have had the comfort that at least what I had was beautiful and REAL.

So I know what the hell I'm talking about and I know what Source is talking about. If I read your messenge on a day that was slightly worse than this one I would have probably given an answer closer to Source's one.

Still, I am convinced that the quest for true love is an evil onforgiving learning proces where you get hugged one moment, and beaten up the next. I believe everyone needs to go through it on their own and get all the hugs and the beatings themselfs. As harsh as it is I think this is the only way forward. So take all the hugs and all the beatings. Enjoy every beautiful moment, and go through all the pain. Don't try to make the beautiful moments prettier than they are (by daydreaming or fantasizing more and giving yourself illusions) and don't try to make the painful moments less painfull (By dreaming less, shutting down your inner voice and trying to half-detach from the person you love).

Love will always be beautiful and hurtfull no matter what you do.

So just enjoy what you have now, and who knows in some years you'll still have it, or you'll have nothing, or you'll have something else...

Best of luck to you Valkyrie!

Comment by Camoran on July 19, 2016 at 6:46pm

I urge you to stop at once. That is, immediately and absolutely. And if you can't stop, shift your focus to entirely different things. Do anything, anything that will keep your relationship outside of your daydreams. Those kinds of things have no place within a ghost world filled with manipulated illusions built with altered images stolen from reality or made from the ground up.
If you do not stop, in time you'll be distracted, then you'll lose focus, then before you know it everything you have will have vanished, and you will be forever cursed with waking nightmares filled with shadows of imaginings that you will know were never true. Your very memories will be replaced with those fake images, and every time you look back at what you lost, you'll see nothing but an array of things that never happened, and you will be conscious of it.
Keep your eyes always open and clear. If you go blind you're done for.

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