No desire for real people?

[Kirsty Amhert]

Not sure if this actually intertwines with MD or not, but would like some opinions/thoughts on it.

I have little to no desire to actually be around real people. To go out, socialize, impress, nothing. I also have no desire for any kind of emotional or physical companionship. 

I have to remind myself constantly, to the point of writing it down sometimes, that I have to keep people in mind for certain things, else I will forget about them. People are like an obligation to me.  Not only that, but I only "feel" something about five times a year, and when I do, it's always upsetting, even in what's supposed to be a happy moment, I just get overwhelmed because I don't know how to handle it. All other times I am passive to the degree that it frustrates those around me. 

This isn't because I'm too stuck in my mind, or because I feel like "the only people I need are my characters". I honestly don't feel like this and the DD's are connected. It's just something that's developed over the past six or so years. 

Was wondering if anyone else is like this, or maybe knows what it is?

[Wish Upon A Wish]

I rarely contact my friends unless they talk to me first. I'm a little different to you, in that when I'm actually hanging out with them, I'm having fun (Usually. Sometimes I am just not in the mood) but I'm mostly happy with books, computer, music, and a comfy bed/seat to sit/lie on while daydreaming, and I don't really feel like hanging out with my friends, or really contacting them, or trying to organize something with them. But they're such good friend, that when I'm no longer at school with them, I really, really want to stay in contact. Though I'll probably keep putting it off unless they contact me first.

[Kirsty Amhert]

I know that feel Laila. People think that because I am not socializing, whatever else i may be doing is pointless. I've actually been putting a lot of effort into portfolios and shit.

[Laila]

That's how it was for me in college too. It's also tough when people have great expectations of you. Ever since I graduated in May, I've only left home a few times to see a guidance counselor over at Career Services. As she helped me with my resume, she wondered why I didn't participate in anything on campus, volunteer anywhere, or socialize. I hated having to explain myself. She was shocked, especially when I told her that I went to Franklin Street only two times (highly populated place nearby campus with restaurants and events). Nowadays, I'm constantly getting asked by my family members what I'm doing with my life, which is annoying. I'm sure they think it's bizarre that I've spent the past 6 months being at home, not socializing anywhere. But once we get past the "Soo uhhh what are you doing?" conversation, we usually have a great time hanging out. xD

[Kirsty Amhert]

J Noland, you might as well have written that from my mind. It sucks, because I'm in college, and everyone is constantly asking about fun it is, have I made friends, what is it like, what do I do for fun, blah blah. It's an annoyance having to explain all the time that yes, I am a young shut-in and perfectly okay with that. I present to right people when opportunity arises, such as college advisers, going to certain events to introduce myself to people and get their business card and stuff, but I never just go out for pure enjoyment, and never feel the need to do so.

[J Noland]

I have very little desire to be around real people. I get plenty of interaction at work but on nights and weekends I am a recluse. If someone doesn't make an effort to stay in touch with me then I allow the communication to dissolve. I feel bad about it but I can't change it. Even family members, I fear family get-togethers and I rarely (almost never) initiate contact with family. My phone is always on silent. People at work are completely confused as to why I have no social life because I act like a normal person. I guess I've allowed this to progress to a pathetic point. I'm waiting for a lightening bolt to strike me and change everything. I don't feel lonely though.

[Kirsty Amhert]

I used to have crippling social phobia, but don't so much any more. It isn't that I fear or get nervous about meeting people, I would simply just rather not because I feel no need or desire to. It's like lacking the ability to be lonely. I do have one friend that means a lot to me, we've been friends for about 6 years, she is also my roommate. It took a long time for me to be able to have her around enough to not be bothered by her presence. 

I like that you guys agree with me that internet connections count. A lot of people don't. I don't understand how it couldn't.

[Rhiannon Augustus]

There could be all kinds of reasons, psychological disorders, personality disorders, learned coping behaviours, or medications that numb feelings. One thing I have noticed is that the longer one isolates, the more they can become accustomed to it, and then it's harder and harder to want to socialize in the future.  This fuels more isolation and a cycle's formed.

Our brains are built to require positive social interactions from birth.  Babies need to see faces, hear noises, and be touched.  It's necessary for normal development.  Without it, they can suffer from not only a lack of proper psychological development, but also a lack of proper physical development as well.

I think sometimes I just get used to what is comfortable.  What doesn't trigger me.  Some people say they prefer their characters to real people and I think sometimes that can be true simply because we are in control with our characters in a way we could never be will real people. It's easier to stay in my comfort zone.  It's stress free and there is so much less anxiety there.  But is that always in my best interest?  I read somewhere that social interaction provides people with the necessary tools to cope and survive in this world. I have to admit that I certainly don't always feel like I am capable of coping and surviving in this world.  Perhaps I am the creator of my own prison, but if I am, then I am also the one who holds the key to it.

[roxanne]

Jennifer & Laila, we expect you to meet up some time.  You are both such really interesting people and , despite being self-described loners, great conversationalists.  

Without knowing anything more about any one, I would generally advise people to make the effort to connect with people on whatever level is comfortable - even if you have to push your self to do it.  This can be pretty casual contact, but something.  Of course, I think this site is perfect for us - it is real contact with real people on a real (& very personal) level.  This counts!

[Laila]

Jennifer, if we're both feeling this way, then how are we ever going to meet up? Lol j/k. =P Although it usually takes great effort for me to leave my cave, I'd love to meet someone from here.

[Laila]

My closest friends are just people I talk to online. They're from England, Canada, Guam, Norway, and all over the place... I doubt I'll ever get to meet them. There was one RL person whom I thought was my true friend up until the start of college, which was 4 years ago. Since then, I've been a real loner. It's not that I don't desire closeness with other people, but I have become very comfortable with being alone. I even resist going out because I have a little social anxiety. My online friends and DD characters have been doing just fine for me. However, I do love being around my family: parents, brothers, nieces, and nephews. When I move out of my parent's home, however, I wonder what I'll feel then...