New Here and Intensely Shy

[bbcjohnlocked]

I've just joined the network today after searching for answers for years. I have been intensely DD for over a decade now and never knew that it was a "thing". When I was younger, I always kind of assumed that everyone else had a second (or third or fourth) life that they lived inside their heads. It wasn't until high school, when I mentioned it to a close friend, that I realized how unusual it is to constantly and vividly DD. I just thought everyone lived a thousand different lives.

I've never really talked to anyone else about this before, until recently when I stumbled upon the term MDD. It was like a revelation, a bolt of lightning striking me out of a clear blue sky. "I am not alone." It was a profound moment, reading posts upon posts on tumblr and articles upon articles online of people experiencing the same thing as me. I am so thankful that this site exists, a safe place when I can discuss DD with others who won't automatically think that I am psychotic. I know the difference between reality and fantasy, and truth be told, I usually prefer my DD. (Is that unusual? I honestly don't know.)

Anyways, I know that I kind of rambled there, despite stating my shyness. I just hope that I can find some kind of camaraderie here with others that share in my experiences. I've never been good at forging friendships in real life, so maybe here, in the relative anonymity of the internet, I can find kinship.

(God, I hope that last bit didn't sound cheesy. XD)     

[Cordellia Amethyste Rose]

Larry, when I agreed to be the "poster child" of this, I started telling everyone and anyone who would listen about this....and the reaction has been overwhelmingly positive.  Now, bear in mind that I haven't told any "family" about this because I don't consider abusive jerks to be family, so I cut them off years ago.  I don't have to deal with that, like most people do.  I have, however, told friends and acquaintances about it, and almost everyone was accepting of it.  Many could relate, and one friend even said he does it himself.  The only ones who were skeptical were my doctors, but because I wasn't seeing them for that, I didn't care.  Everyone daydreams, so it shouldn't be too hard for an open-minded person to understand.  

[Larry]

I can really relate to your " bolt of lightning" statement. I am 40 years old and felt like a complete circus freak for 30 uv'm.
I'd'v probably cried when I found what the demon called itssef but I'm so far removed from the human race that I don't think I can feel anymore.
I think shyness kinda goes with the territory.
I'm willing to bet the vast majority of people here have very poor social skills....not mention a 10-15 minute tolerance for folks that aren't known well when in person.
I overdose on people frequently.
I think that comes from the combination of the urge to DD and the fear of being exposed. I dunno....just a theory.
Right now I'm fighting my urges to drift off into Electric Larry Land with meditation. Meditation seems to have the greatest effect on the most people.
I use guided meditation podcasts off'a the intetnet and just listen and try to follow along the best I can.
The hardest part for me, aside from the shame, is trying to figure out what to say to people who'd understand after so many years of secrecy and suppression. How do you verbalize something you've sworn over the years to be an un-utterable secret?

[Cordellia Amethyste Rose]

What you described fits a lot of people.  You are definitely not alone.