Negative Daydreams

[aprelle]

Lauren is humiliating me in front of a large group of people.  I call her insecure.  She shouts "sorry you feel that way!'  She is mocking me.  She says she thinks I'm incredibly lazy.

Malcolm X is my father.  I am forced to choose between Christianity and Islam when I would rather not belong to any organized religion.  I tell him I want to be a Latin American Studies professor.  He lectures me on why I need to become an Afro American Studies professor.  I tell him I've been called the n word by whites before and it didn't bother me.  He shouts that he doesn't believe me.  He claims I've been called the n word by my imaginary friends only.  He tells the whole world that.  I feel frustrated and humiliated.

X beats me with a cord for bringing a boy home.  He screams and shouts at me all the time.  He lectures me on the differences between men and women, claiming that men are more sexual than women.  He says this is the natural order of things.

Betty Shabazz calls me selfish.  A group of black American girls ask me why I'm so selfish.  Jehan is my sister.  She bullies me.  She interrupts me.  She mocks me.  She always wins the fights.  Betty says men are allowed to be selfish but women aren't.

I run away from home.  X stalks me.  He calls me incessantly.  Everyone laughs about my dream of living in Brazil.  They accuse me of wanting to live there because Brazil is hypersexual.  Everyone asks me why I don't just become a prostitute.  I finally buckle and become one.  X puts me on Dr. Phil.  He says I'm still not free.  Now I have a pimp.  So what's the difference?  He's right, there's no difference.  I'm still not free.

X accuses me of being a bad person.  He says I don't love my mother.  He demands loudly that I respect and love my mother.  He shouts "you are an African American girl!  That's who you are!'  I would rather not use a label.

Dr. Drew is a terrible therapist.  He claims promiscuous women aren't happy.  He tells the whole psychology lecture hall that I have schizophrenia and that I use sex as a coping strategy.  He constantly asks me about 'the voices'.  The sessions are recorded, edited, and put on TV.  So I'm made to look crazy.  Now Scott thinks there's really no such thing as a slut.  Dr. Drew constantly interrupts me and talks over me.  He's extremely rude.  Everyone in group supports the old double standard.  They are all about the drama.

[Lindy Lea Lawrence Wilson]

I would find a Women's Empowerment Group and other groups that can help and not tell your father about them.

[aprelle]

@ashlee lol I have no clue why I like being mistreated my daydreams.

[ashlee]

soo is that your daydream? lol.
I wonder why you like being verbally and physically abused in your daydream...