So, I don't really have the power to escape like I used to.

I understand that for some of you, it is more like an uncontrollable disease.

It was never that for me.

I knew my daydreams were just that...dreams.

And as I got older, it became even more heartbreaking because I knew that none of my characters and the stories I created were real and never would be. No matter how real they felt to me.

I could take stories, movies, TV shows, and even song lyrics and create up different stories.

I used to lock myself in a room after a stressful day at school and to get away from my home life because it wasn't much better, and I would blast my music on my Ipod through my head phones, and jump up and down.

I would skip throughout the house whenever I got a really good daydream. And I am sure my family thought I was crazy. But my dad understood.

One time I nearly freaked out on my sister, because she tried to take my only Ipod...the thing that helped me escape from my reality and so I could dream...away from me. And my dad forced her to give it back, because he said it was how I coped with stress.

When I was way younger, I used to be able to read books and see them clear as pictures. I could block out everything that was around me.

And I could also daydream just the same like that.

I read on Wikipedia that it comes from emotional neglect.

Maladaptive Daydreaming.

We compensate for what we are missing at a young age.

And it makes sense.

The first time I remember using daydreaming to escape reality was after my step brother molested me.

So, I guess it is true.

My characters and stories helped me through hard times in my life.

Even more so than the people around me who were supposed to be the ones to give me support.

I am a writer...which probably makes sense.

I've written some of my characters and some of my stories I've created down.

And I'm going to keep dreaming. Keep reading. Keep watching. Keep writing. Keep creating.

No matter what.

I am glad that I finally figured out that I wasn't alone in being the only one to do this.

The internet really is a great place, because my mom had took me to a therapist for my depression, and she couldn't tell me anything about what it was I did when I shook my hands or jumped up and down to day dream.

Then, I googled it and read someone describe EXACTLY what I do and how I feel like I had wrote the words myself.

It was crazy and amazing at the same time.

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Comment by Fallen Messenger on March 6, 2016 at 5:45pm
You know, your story breaks my heart because of the similarities to mine. My parents may not know and think I'm a "dark teenager" but I call my room the "dark hole" for other reasons than studying. I feel all of us can rise above out issues by being self reliant, for the only outsider we can really trust is Eli Somer with our MD secret. I honestly love "maladaptives" ( that's what I call us) and I hope that one day we will have people saying " I wish I had MD" for MD gives us creative powers like none other. It gives us self reliance, and it gives us a network of people we can rely on, our daydream people, and our fellow maladaptives!
Comment by Pathfinder on February 27, 2016 at 12:36pm

Hi Victoria! Thank you for sharing your thoughts! Especially the info on emotional neglect - I did not know about it, but want to read on it more and yes, it makes perfect sense. You wrote so many thoughts that could have been mine, and I'm sorry, that you had to go through hard times. I felt the exact same way when I found this place finally: it was overwhelming and fascinating and overall a great relief that finally this has a name. The thought that somebody (actually, a lot of people!) also have this...is still bewildering for me.

I also think that finding it so hard to let go of our fantasy word is partially due to the fact that many of us might feel, that these 'people' or 'characters' (whatever you call them) were more realistically there for us in a terribly overwhelming period of our lives, than anyone in our phisical environment. Letting them go would not only mean to give up a sense of safety, but it would almost feel like betrayal. These are just my thoughts though. :)

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